the wake up.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

It’s been a month since school started and more than a month since my blog started :)

I think this blog has literally been the coolest release of energy/emotions/thoughts/ideas i’ve ever come across. it has allowed me too let everything out and, in turn, i think it saved me.

it’s gotten me through sad times, when i just need something to talk to and its allowed me to rejoice in the happy (go one tree hill) - well now, i’m here to celebrate the good times :)

at this moment, i’m the happiest i’ve been in a while. i feel like all is calm in my life. my best friends are fantastic. my roommates are amazing, my backbone my everything. my sorority is rad - as are my new girls, the guy i’m dating is absolutely amazing (and hot :)), and my family is the best (go tommy and your promooo)

everythings coming together. everythings piecing itself back into place and for once i’m at peace. I cannot wait for the next couple months to see what happens and what unravels.

I decided that I’m gonna write a book. I’m not sure about what - or when, but it’s gonna be awesome - that's all I know.

I’m going home this weekend - start the countdown…4 days.

Hopeless - Head over Heels.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

…Now I’m speechless, over the edge
I’m just breathless - I never thought that I’d catch this Lovebug again
Hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I’d get hit by this Lovebug again…

-The Jonas Brothers & me :)

The comet.

Monday, September 22, 2008

“It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to his life. Direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn’t understand and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his heart that someday, it would return to him and his world would be whole again and his belief in God and love and art would be reawakened in his heart."

-One Tree Hill

reason & love.

and yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays."

-William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act III, Scene i

he's the best.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Happy Birthday Dad!

the impossible quiz

Friday, September 19, 2008

my roommate and i were talking about dating the other day. we were wondering why dating has turned into a big game. “does he like me - I’m not gonna call for 3 days - I’m not gonna text him back right away.” What would dating be like, if we just went with it? It we sucked up our fear of rejection and put our heart out there? Would it really be that bad?

I’m not hating, because I for sure play the dating game. Recently, I met this guy, who right away came out and said, “i don't do the dating game - if i like you i like you and i’m going to make the effort, if not, i wouldn’t be here.” It took me by surprise because that’s out of the norm. To show your feelings right away is new to most guys and girls because I feel like everyone is so afraid that their ego is going to be bruised or their pride will be broken. But maybe we have to be fearless and step out there and really grab what we’re looking for. Maybe if we jump, that person won’t be playing the game, and will catch us right when we need it.

the most fatal.

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness."

Bertrand Russell

blessed are the hearts.

So, this week has been one of the most physically draining, emotionally draining, stress-filled weeks of my life. Monday was bid night and we got our new girls - baby kappas! I met a new guy - he’s wonderful. My roommates are the biggest blessings in my life. My parents are finally back from Russia, and my best friends are my everything.

I feel like you go through really stressful times, things that bend and test you, but at the end of the day, God’s not going to give you anything you cant handle.

You know, its been said that we just don’t recognize the significant moments of our lives while they’re happening. we grow complacent with ideas or things or people and we take them for granted. and its usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you realize how wrong you’ve been, that you realize how much you really need it, how much you love it.

I feel like everything is starting to fall back into place - it’s like my life is re-aligning itself. I feel good about the things that are going on in my life, and for once in a long time, I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.


Saturday, September 13, 2008

kappa is.. my best friends. my inspiration. my college experience.

thanks, thanks & more thanks.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

never forgotten.

insecure & charming.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


aren’t we all?

believing in who we are.

self-respect. I think this is one of the hardest qualities to possess in yourself. The phrase itself seems simple. But I think there’s a daily, conscious effort that must go into it. It’s a personal decision, not one made by those around you.

I think a lot of time people confuse self-respect with confidence. It has nothing to do with how cool you are, or how people think you are. It has to do with, if it at the end of the day, you believe in yourself, and who you are as a person.

Not until we start respecting ourselves and seeing the value that God sees in us will we be able to truly gain respect from others. We except people to respect us, to treat us kindly and to love us, but if we can’t give ourselves those things, then who are we to think others will? When are we going to realize that we’re worth more than the things we have and the people who surround us?

we cant give up on ourselves, because we’re the only ones who can give us full satisfaction we crave. my friend said something tonight, “not until we love ourselves can we expect others to love us.” it’s so true.

believe in you, because once you do, people will begin to surprise you.

constant reminder.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

welcome to the good life.

meant to be.

“Because sometimes you have to step outside the person you’ve been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you want to be. The person that you are."

-One Tree Hill

told you so.

Monday, September 8, 2008

told you so.

new life.

sometimes in the madness that is life, we need a reminder of how amazing and absolutely spectacular it really is.

this morning at 3:34 am, one of my good friends from high school welcomed his baby boy, London.

when everything else in the world is going at a hundred miles an hour, the complexity that is a new baby, slows everything now. it reminds us of the simplest joy in the world.

It’s hard, and its a constant struggle for me, to just enjoy life, and enjoy it’s blessings. so, maybe today - we can sit, and enjoy it and really embrace how awesome it is.

Congrats Matt :)

from my lovely roommates.

Friday, September 5, 2008

they wrote to this me while I was at school - I told you they were rad.
We have a roommate, her name is Kristen
Sit yo ass down and take a listen
She has blonde hair
A big ass derriere
And the 3 of us eat chili at the Malibu fair
Right now we’re watching free credit
Thinking about you makes us want to read a psalm
But we won’t cause that’s (hella) lame
So walk that swagger and spit that game
The buzzer went off our pizza is ready
We are fattys and with the fellas go steady
That's a lie boys suck big hairy balls
And if we were all to fight it would be an all out brawl
But that would never happen cuz we are lesbian lovers
And we do naughty things beneath the covers
This rhyme is up we got to eat
You know how we love our sausage and our meat
Be jealous.

i'll always love you.

You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.


currently in love with peter pan.

never land?

maybe staying a kid forever isnt a good thing…

…maybe we all just need to just grow up.

the in & out.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

so, here I am sitting in my fantastic apartment in Malibu with my roommates. i was kind of worried about the dynamics of said roommates, but its turned out to be better then ever.

I told you about the ‘fab 5’ from Arizona - now it’s time to explain to you my other bests. My mom always said that when I went to college I’d meet the people I’d stay friends with for life - and I really think that's true about these two.

The three of us have our outward similarities, tall, blond hair, light eyes, athletic build, ya know - we look alike, but then at the same time the three of us are all very different in our own right.

Onto the explanations of my two fabulous roommates.

Car-bomb: We have lived together since my sophomore year. I never really knew her outside of living in the same house - so I think that's why we get along so well. She’s the girl that got through everything with me. She was there when I was dealing with some of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. We’ve been there together through breakups, get together’s, vacations, birthdays, everything. We’ve definitely gotten in fights and bitched each other out, but at the end of the day we’ve got each others backs. She doesn’t understand how beautiful she is or how fantastic she is. She’ll figure it out one day….

K-Cal News @ 9: Cal and I have known each other since freshman year - we transferred in at the same time. We had our first class together and have pretty much been connected ever since. Friends fall apart and come back together and Cal and I have definitely had our fair share of ‘breakups’ She came back from oversees and we figured our shit out. She got me through a really low place in my life and has been my motivator ever since then. She’s the house mom, personal trainer and therapist. Shes beautiful and funny and the strongest person I know - she reminds me every day to stand up for myself and be the best of myself every day. I absolutely adore her.

So, there you have it. My friends from home and my friends from school. They are my heart&soul and without them I’d be pretty lost. So here's my final set of explanations. Enjoy them - be jealous. My friends are rad.

is chivalry dead?

What ever happened to a real date? You know the kind - the guy calls you to arrange a formal date. He picks you up, dressed in more than a t-shirt, maybe splurges for flowers and takes you someplace nice. Not the normal Marmalade, but someplace you can tell took some thought. You order a great meal, maybe a bottle of wine and then (gasp!) he pays! Maybe you go someplace fun, and then he takes you home, gives you a goodnight kiss (or awesome make out) and you go in and he goes home.

It seems like being the nice chivalrous guy has died out. Its like, once you get to college - being a “nice guy” isn’t the cool thing anymore. In college, a first date means third base, and a goodbye kiss means sex. When did good manners and good conversation lose its meaning? When did the memories of a great first date lose its value?

I really miss first dates, and I miss the first date jitters that go into them.

Today it seems like everyones just hanging out…

…waiting for their first date and knight in shining armor to come.

Pulling you back

Monday, September 1, 2008

so, my brother and his gf came to visit this weekend and it was rad. it was one of those weekends that pulls you back into who you are. it reminds you of your family and those closest to your heart and it reminds you of where you come from. we didnt do extraordinary things, or things that change the world, but we hung out and had an awesome time just being.

i think everyone needs those weekends or mini-vaca’s that pull you back in and remind you of you. its necessary in growing and its necessary in finding yourself. so without him even knowing, he helped me find myself a little bit more…

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