Addicted.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

All is takes is one time.

You know those people who have ridiculously addictive personalities? Can’t get enough, can’t stop, won’t ever quit? I’m not necessarily talking about drugs or alcohol but just everything. Addicted to people, relationships or even something as lame as tv.

I never thought I was one of those people, because I know people who can’t go 5 minutes without needing the one thing their addicted too. Take one of my good friends, I honestly believe she’s addicted to having a boyfriend. Nothing wrong with that, but I’ve never known her single. Or another friend of mine is addicted to friends. That sounds funny, but in a really serious way, like he can’t stand when you have other friends than him, and he’ll ‘make your life a living hell’ without him.

Yesterday I was having a conversation when this guy asked if I’ve ever been addicted to anything (referring to drugs) which I haven't.. but I started thinking, maybe being addicted isn't such a bad thing. I mean, obviously I’m not promoting drug habits or being drunk all the time, but we coin the term addict as bad, but maybe it can be okay.

Like being addicted to someone (in a healthy sense of course), but not being able to get enough of that person? Or being addicted to your friends so much that you would do anything and always be there for them. I guess, moderation is the key word here - and I don’t really even know why this thought stirred me so much, but it did. Being addicted. Is it really something you can’t get over, or is it a mind game?

It’s like you’re a drug
It’s like you’re a demon I can’t face down
It’s like I’m stuck
It’s like I’m running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It’s like the only company I seek is misery all around
It’s like you’re a leech
Sucking the life from me
It’s like I can’t breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I’m never gonna quit you over time

It’s like I can’t breathe
It’s like I can’t see anything
Nothing but you
I’m addicted to you
It’s like I can’t think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You’ve taken over me
It’s like I’m not me

It’s like I’m lost
It’s like I’m giving up slowly
It’s like you’re a ghost that’s haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I’ll never change my ways
If I don’t give you up now

I’m hooked on you
I need a fix
I can’t take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I’ll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that’s it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

Maybe being addicted to something isn’t such a bad thing - just maybe.

thanks&giving.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

29 days till thanksgiving.

The part of all of us.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Collective.

“We are all as much a part of you as you are a part of all of us.”

here's to you.


Happy Birthday Whitty - I love you!

Frappuccino

Sunday, October 26, 2008

But there are many spots on the globe where it’s tough to find a Starbucks. And these are precisely the places where banks are surviving, in large part because they have not financially integrated with banks in the Starbucks economies. In the entire continent of Africa, whose banks don’t stray too far, I count just three (in Egypt). We haven’t heard much about bailouts in Central America, where Starbucks has no presence. South America’s banks may be buckling, but they haven’t broken. Argentina, formerly a financial basket case and now a pocket of relative strength, has just one store. Brazil, with a population of nearly 200 million, has a mere 14. Italy hasn’t suffered any major bank failures in part because its banking sector isn’t very active on the international scene. The number of Starbucks there? Zero.

— Daniel Gross, who claims that “the higher the concentration of expensive, nautically themed, faux-Italian-branded Frappuccino joints in a country’s financial capital, the more likely the country is to have suffered catastrophic financial losses.”

this quote, courtesy of my [other] favorite blog.

http://147xxxx.tumblr.com/

it’s bomb. check her out. drink starbucks.

tearful longings & faithful hearts.

The most beautiful love letter from Ludwig van Beethoven to Antonie Brentano

“Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together -Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

Makes you wish boys still understood the power of a written letter huh?

Absolutely stunning.

A tribute.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

High School Musical 3 Tribute -

You know how life can be
It changes overnight
It’s sun, even raining
But it’s all right

A friend like you
Always makes it easy
I know that you get me
Every time

Through every up, through every down
No matter where life takes us
Nothing can break us apart (You know that’s true)

I just wanna be with you
Hey yeah
Just be with you
Oh yeah, yeah

No matter where life takes us
Nothing can break us apart

Even though this movie was about graduating high school, it made graduating college seem a little more real, and I kind of got sad about it. Whew.

189 days left.

heart&soul.

i miss my friends.

Because I knew you.

Friday, October 24, 2008

I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them, then we help them in return. Well I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know I’m who I am today, because I knew you.

zac efron


High School Musical 3.

Today’s the day. Get pumped.

tivo, tivo, tivo.

I love tivo. I have literally spent the last couple days, in whatever free time I have - watching tivo. It’s been so crazy lately that I haven’t had the chance to watch Greys, Gossip Girl, One Tree… so this is my day. All day, on the couch, watching tivo :)
Greys - as dramatic as it is, has some of the best quotes any show has ever produced. Here’s one of my favorites:
“If there’s just one piece of advice i can give you, it’s this - when there’s something you really want, fight for it, don’t give up no matter how hopeless it seems. and when you’ve lost hope, ask yourself if 10 years from now, you’re going to wish you gave it just one more shot. because the best things in life, they don’t come free.“-Grey’s Anatomy
I think it’s true in every aspect, and sometimes we forget that.

being fearless.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I cant post songs, at least I don’t know how too- so the lyrics will have to do. my new fav.

There’s somethin’ ‘bout the way
The street looks when it’s just rained
There’s a glow off the pavement
Walk me to the car
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot
Yeah

We’re drivin’ down the road
I wonder if you know
I’m tryin’ so hard not to get caught up now
But you’re just so cool
Run your hands through your hair
Absent mindedly makin’ me want you

And I don’t know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don’t know why when with you I dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

So baby drive slow
‘Til we run out of road in this one horse town
I wanna stay right here in this passenger’s seat
You put your eyes on me
In this moment now capture it remember it

Well you stood there with me in the doorway
my hands shake
I’m not usually this way but
You pull me in & I’m a little more brave
It’s the first kiss really flawless really somethin’ it’s fearless.

And I don’t know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
Fearless
And I don’t know why when with you I dance
In a storm in my best dress
Fearless

Taylor Swift - fearless. She’s fantastic.

The fog.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Don’t say what you say. Say what you mean."

The fog & haze.

dreaming big.

i cannot let myself be afraid of limits. i cannot let myself fear the unknown. i cannot limit myself to the security blanket i’ve so comfortably created. i cannot let my dreams die due to the fact that they might be ‘too big.’

wanna know what i dream? that one day ill move to new york to experience the big apple and maybe realize that i can make it, that i am good enough. maybe ill realize that i’m nothing more than a west coast girl who needs happy people and sunshine. but is it really fair to let the fears that i cannot make it stop me? i dream that one day i’ll be a writer at a big time magazine, where people follow my stories and respect me for my knowledge of my craft. i dream that one day, ill be editor in chief at vogue; that i’ll be cool enough to have a book written about me and my bitchy antics.

i cant stop dreaming. i’m 21 years old, and if i stop dreaming now, and stop reaching for my goals, then what’s going to happen when i’m 30, 40, 50?

i have to stop being afraid to dream big, and bigger. i have to exceed expectations and not just meet them. i have to believe in myself and who i am, that i can achieve thoe dreams.

this whole, being a senior thing, really freaks me out. i don’t do change. i hate change. but i need change. i need a chance to see if i’m good enough. i need to realize that my dream of new york could actually be a reality if i make it one. that just because i graduate and walk across that stage doesn’t mean i’m a grown up. i have to accept the fact that i’m not going to stay a 21 year old college sorority girl forever and that maybe being a 26 year old working girl is okay too. that life doesn’t end after colleges and neither do the friendships.

change is going to come, and dreams are going to be explored. i just hope when i’m given the chance to take on my dream, that my reality exceeds my dreams.

Do it with a heart wide open.

Friday, October 17, 2008

alot of stress is put on communication. talk to your friends when you’re upset. talk to you parents so they know what’s going on. tell your significant other how you feel because you can’t expect them to read your mind. but i think that’s a lot easier said than done. leaving the mystery is alot easier than speaking from your heart. however necessary communicating may be, in a lot of circumstances its the one thing we need the most.

To talk or not to talk: it all comes down to our fear of rejection. i think its a subconscious fear too. or the fact that people wanna be “cool” and say the right things, the things people think others want to hear. Eventually we have to let down those barriers, let those walls crumble and say what we need to say.

i just re-listened to john mayer’s “say” and i actually listened to the words and i love it.

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You’d better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

It’s so important to tell people what we think and what we need to say. Who knows how long they’re going to be around, and how long we have to say the things we feel.

I never really understood the power of a good chat. right now my roommate, although she is the strongest 21 year old I’ve ever met, is going through a rough patch. all she needs to to talk, to say the things she needs to say. once she does she’ll be okay - she’ll start to heal.

talking is a form of healing, its a passage way for honesty and its the one thing that links us all together.

to be bold and honest is a quality i hope i possess and work hard at obtaining it. I hope that with my words, my communication, that ill enable my dreams, and grab hold of someones heart, and hold on until i’ve said what i need to say.

How to lead your life.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

“It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.”

-Dr. Randy Pausch

lovely eyes.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

Audrey Hepburn

the ordinary.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I had the best laugh today.

Sitting in my roommates bathroom while she gets ready -

my roommate: “She has a really weird body…she should be Big Bird for Halloween.”

You know when you have those moment when you forget everything else in the world and just laugh. It’s the most pure form of happiness and you just enjoy the moment. It wasn’t even that funny, but I think because life is so busy, and so stressful that we forget that it’s okay to forget everything and just laugh and enjoy what life is.

At the end of the day we’re not going to remember the stressful midterms we had, the boy drama or the petty fights. But walking across the stage at graduation, the thoughts running through our minds will be those spent at home with your roommates enjoying each other’s company. Because sometimes its in the hidden, ordinary moments of the day that we treasure the most.

arizona sunsets.

cannot wait to be home.

signature.

enjoy.

a whole new outlook

have you tried the new hot chocolate at Starbucks yet? well today I was in there for the third time today and the 17th time this week, and my usual (god bless him) barista was there to greet me. Normally I rattle off my, “grande skinny vanilla latte” hand him my card and I’m on my way, but today I was feel a little daring.

So, I stood at the counter, being that annoying customer who nevvverr knows what they want. I was craving something sweet, was super hyper and didn’t really need caffeine and that's when it hit me. It’s (kind of) cold out and I want a hot chocolate.

After making this hard decision, I asked his opinion. Little did I know there are THREE kinds of hot chocolate. yeah. I was a wimp and picked the “signature hot chocolate.”

It was amazing. Go to Starbucks right now and order one. I’ll rock your world.

Never looking back.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I read this really great blog the other day, I know, I’m turning into a total nerd, and I reallly loved it. It talked about have “no more fears to fear.” It really made me think about what that sentence means. That everything we fear is really just a misinterpretation.

No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real.

That if we put aside every fear we had and lived out our life with wild inhibitions we would ultimately be free. If we realized that the most embarrassing, awkward moments in our lives were just remembered by us and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That the difference between a job and art is the passion you put into it and that neither defines who you are.

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world, and that because life is contradictory, constantly, we know it’s worth living.

I think if we realize that love is only as real as we want it to be and that what we put in to it, is what we’ll get out of it. That love is hard work and it doesn’t come easily. That it’s worth fighting for. That if you feel good, you look good, but it doesn't always work the other way around.

Every day the sun will rise and the sun will set, and that its up to us if we chose to match it. That nothing matters up until this point, and that what we decide no, in this moment will change us forever. We can’t forget that we’ve come this far and we’re not going back.

Back & better than ever.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Its been forever, but have no fear, I’m back :)

So, the past week has been one of quite a few up and downs. We got back from our fabulous roommate road trip in Arizona and this great bonding experience only to jump into a pretty tough week. my beautiful roommate had a tough week with a mean boy and it just sucks because she deserves the best yet every boy is failing. i feel like at this age we’re looking for someone that compliments us and it’s so hard because most guys are not ready. we’re ready for this great romance and guys are still learning how to tie their shoes.

and i don’t know - this could break my heart or save me. nothing’s real, until you let go completely.

so here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving - so here I go with all my fears weighing on me.

Three months and I’m still sober - Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers, But I know it’s never really over.

we just have to be patient. we have to learn to listen. we have to learn how to be ourselves. we have to stop hiding ourselves - stop limiting ourselves to the expectations of everyone else. People (boys) are going to like me or hate me regardless of what I do or say. I think remembering that, is what gets us through the day-to-day.

I think that one thing we (myself included) need to work on, is not letting guys control our every mood. If our relationship is good, then we’re happy, if it’s bad, we’re sad. Their actions control our mood - and it’s sad because we allow them to control us. We allow them to determine how we feel and how we think about things. We need to learn to stand on our feet and be ourselves without the boys in our lives influencing us.

I saw the sign.

Looking for a sign? Spandex isn’t for everyone."

that’s for you callie :)

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