When the grass turns blue

Saturday, December 26, 2009

I'll move on baby just like you
When the desert floods and the grass turns blue
When a sailing ship don't need a moon
It'll break my heart but I'll get through
Someday when I stop loving you

I bet all I had on a thing called love
I guess in the end it wasn't enough
And it's hard to watch you leave right now
I'm gonna have to learn to let you go somehow

Christ the Saviour is born.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

 Silent Night, holy night. All is calm, All is bright,  Round yon Virgin Mother and Child - Holy Infant so tender and mild, Sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace. Silent Night, holy night! Shepherds quack at the sight. Glories stream from heaven afar, Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia! Christ, the Saviour is born, Christ the Saviour is born. Silent night, holy night, Son of God, love's pure light. Radian beams from Thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace, Jesus, Lord at They birth, Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth.

Smile tho' your heart is aching, smile even tho' it's breaking.

Monday, December 21, 2009

So this is how it ends
This is where it all goes down
This is what I don't love you feels like
It ain't the middle of the night
and it ain't even raining outside
It ain't exactly what I had in mind for goodbye. 
At a red light in the sunshine
On a Sunday nothing to say
don't even try. 
Some are coming home
Some are leaving town
while my worlds crashing down
On a Sunday in the sunshine at a red light 
I thought she was going to say 
Something about that couple kissing 
accrossing the street
or something about this beautiful day.
But she just looked me in the eye
said it's over didn't try to lie or pick a fight
I might have seen it 
coming that way 
At a red light in the sunshine
On a Sunday nothing to say 
Don't even try
There's a mama
Calming down a little baby
in the backseat in front of me
There's an old man dressed
in his Sunday best
just waiting n green
but I cant see getting past
This red light in the sunshine 
on a Sunday nothing to say
don't even try.
Some are coming some
Some are laving town
While my worlds crashing down
On a Sunday in the sunshine at a red light.
 We could have had it all.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I love 'things to be happy about' lists. When the Christmas season arrives it's super easy to get bogged down in the shopping, buying, eating, drinking and everything that the season encompasses, so here's my top 17 things I'm happy about -  but this time, a Christmas version:
  1. Christmas Trees. One day I will be at the National Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony as well as visit all the major trees around the world. Feel free to join me.
  2. Roommates, Villa Malibu, Malibu, Pepperdine - everything that encompassed my last 4 years.
  3. Christmas music - everything from 'NSYNC, Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey, to Nat King Cole & Barry Manilow. 
  4. Christmas at Starbucks, even if they start celebrating before thanksgiving.
  5. Smores - 'nuff said
  6. Gingerbread houses, tacky sweaters and wayyy too much candy.
  7. The decorations, lights, smells and colors of the season.
  8. Watching A Christmas Story on repeat starting at 8pm Christmas Eve all the way until Christmas Day
  9. Taking a nap by the fire on Christmas Day.
  10. Celebrating my moms birthday.
  11. Changing the Advent Calendar every day.
  12. Mistletoe.
  13. The change in the weather, just cold enough to wear scarves, boots & comfy jackets.
  14. Christmas baskets filled with cookies, candies, cakes & fudge!
  15. Christmas Specials - especially ones dedicated to old SNL bits  like 'schweaty balls' and those featuring Mary Katherine Gallager.
  16. Christmas presents, wrapping paper, santa bags & lots of ribbon.
  17. Everyone being together, celebrating together and just enjoying one another.

#1 and #2

For my unconquerable soul.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

What it's all about.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you smile. Laugh as much as you breath, love as long as you live.

I had the best weekend.


Sunday, December 13, 2009

my security. 

Lightning is gonna strike

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

So what is love? Trust, responsibility, taking the weight for your choices and feelings, and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love. Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I'm talking about.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

I hope you're proud of me regardless of the outcomes.

Seven months and three days.

Friday, December 4, 2009

I’ve been neglecting this blog recently, and I don’t know if it’s because I feel like there’s not much going on to write about or if it’s because I’m scared to be vulnerable on here. I’ve never been one to openly express vulnerability or weakness until I started this blog, and I think for the last couple months

I forgot about why I really started writing this. I started it to show people that having that deep, raw kind of emotion is okay. That being terrified, emotional and scared to death is okay – so here I am, breaking it all down, down to the bare bones of me.

I don’t think it’s any secret that life post-college is not all it’s cracked up to be. No more Tuesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday night parties. No more roommates’ just feet away to tell secrets too. There’s no one living down the hall to have late night movie nights with. Life after college is very different.

It’s been exactly 7 months and 3 days since I crossed that beautiful stage on Alumni Field, 7 months. Isn’t that crazy to believe. It’s been seven months since I last lived in Malibu, seven months since I said all those crazy goodbyes. Seven months and my life changed completely. I’m not saying that this change is bad or that this life sucks, its great, it’s just so different. And it’s safe to say its taken seven months to really learn how to live this life. I think in this society we’re trained to think that we’re supposed to be ‘on top of our game’ at all times.

We’re supposed to do it all, do everything, on our own (Snow Patrol anyone?) and be great at it at all times, no failure – there’s no need for it right? Well, I’m gonna break down what I’ve learned in the past seven months for ya. I’ve learned that life is hard, and regardless of what Malibu taught us - life doesn’t always go the way we want, hope or wish for.

Sometimes we have to tuck our tail between our legs and ask for help. We have to come crawling back and ask for forgiveness, we have to say, “I’m sorry.” Recently my head has been spinning with a mix of everything. I mean, come on, I haven’t been doing that much, but that doesn’t keep it from spinning. It’s been that inevitable, ‘What are you doing?’ Are you prepared?’ ‘Are you going to succeed?’

I thought once I graduated those questions would be answered and I could move on, but…. I guess not. But what if this is my success, what if, for right now; this is what I want to do? What if, after seven months, this, right here, right now is where I’m finally learning how to be 100 percent happy? So what if I do fail. What if forgiveness isn’t always granted? I’ll still be here. I’ll still be pushing forward, sometimes harder than other times, but regardless pushing forward.

This is my life and sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I let other people dictate my life. I don’t always have to pretend like I have it all together, there’s no need to prove, all the time that everything is going well. It’s been seven months, seven crazy months, and I’m still here, chasing after my dreams, finding my happiness, and showing my strength through my vulnerability. This is my life.

What if the voice is right?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

"I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, keep your faith"

Happy Thanksgiving - Thankful: Feeling or expressing gratitude

Thursday, November 26, 2009

This has been quite a year. To say this year has been without trials and tribulations would be the understantment of the year. To say this year has been easy would be a lie. This has been quite a year, a year that forced me and everyone to grab a hold of their faith and hang on tight. This year has been a year that challenged everyone, that made everyone realize what truly matters. Thanksgiving Day 2009 has been an amazing day. Together, we, all 25 of us, joined together and gave thanks. We celebrated each other. We enjoyed the company of long lost friends, relatives, new friends, boyfriends, girlfriends and family. We realized that even though 2009 has been a hard year, we have everything to be thankful for. Christmas is in the air, and with that mix of cinnamon and pine needles everyone starts to realize what really matters.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.  ~Melody Beattie
This is where I acknowledge what really matters. 

I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my large, crazy, loving family. I am thankful for the holidays that bring us together and wine that brings us closer. I am thankful that a weekend with my family bring more happiness and joy in my heart than anything I've ever known. I am thankful for friends. I am thankful that my friends have always been and will always be there for me. I am thankful for sarcasm and the fact that my brother taught me everything I know. I could not ask for a better brother & sister. I am thankful for Boston, I am thankful for Olivia and the people and lessons I learned there. I am thankful that God forgives us. I am thankful that God protects us. I am thankful that God heals us. I am thankful for Coti & Whitney, and that through trials and tribulations He has kept up together. I am thankful for the opportunity to live at home for a year. I am thankful that forgiveness lives. I am thankful that he forgave me and believes in me. I am thankful for laughter and I'm thankful that it is contagious. I am thankful for Black Friday and the chaos and madness that comes along with it. I am thankful for Christmas songs. I am thankful for the warm goodness that the Christmas season brings. I am thankful for the hope of a new year and the possibilities that come with it. I am blessed and I am thankful and throughout this year that lesson has rang truer than ever. I could not ask for a better family and a better thanksgiving. This year is about realizing whats important and being grateful for those things. I am more grateful than ever. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Let's never forget to say thanks.

November 15, 2009

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Things just got interesting :)

My big, muddy rut.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

So, I've been in a rut, a big muddy rut. Can't get out, don't really want too, don't really know how. But regardless of it all, I've been in a bit of a sad, rundown, filthy rut. But yesterday all that changed with my daily visit to Starbucks. Who knew that while I was saving Starbucks during this economic mess that they would save me as well. I've decided that mornings are the best time for people watching. Take yesterday morning for example. My usual pre-work Starbucks is packed with a very unusual crowd of people. Take this one man- with flat-ironed hair down to his butt. He was sitting in the big lounge chair right as you walk in, dressed in a fancy button down shirt, nice jeans and his cowboy boots. He looks at everyone who walks in as if they're his long lost love and he greets everyone with a big smile and a hello as if he owns the place. Then there's the girl that refuses to believe it's November and still 95 degrees outside dressed in slacks, a long sleeve shirt and a huge scarf. Lady, it's 915am and 80 degrees out, it's not getting any colder today. But the best had to be the lady behind me in line humming, louder than the jazz music blasting throughout the store, 'Black Eyed Peas - Tonight's gonna be a good night.' Humming with wide-eyed abandon, occasionally swinging her arms side to side. It was fantastic. After all that craziness at 9am I realized something. This morning made me realize that happiness comes in all forms and sometimes all you have to do to find it, is open your eyes and look around. We're constantly surrounded by amazing, inspiring and sometimes crazy things, people and situations. Just look around - look hard, don't stop till you find it. It'll be there, it might not be as you imagined, but it will be there. So thank you urban cowboy, snow-bunny-wanna-be, and the next Mariah Carey - you pulled me out of my rut. This morning, you saved me.

The struggle.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I’ve been struggling. That’s a hard sentence to muster up the courage and come out and say. I’m struggling. The past couple weeks have been really hard, and they’re definitely starting to push my strengths to the extreme and test my weaknesses. It’s been a test of my faith. Carly subtly told me a great quote the other day, “faith is not faith unless its all you have to hold on too.” The best thing about Carly is that she knows how to be there without being pushy and even though she probably doesn’t understand the weight of that sentence, it was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time. I’m struggling, but I’m re-learning to have faith. Yes, I have faith, but sometimes it takes shitty things to really learn what faith means, to learn what it takes. But isn’t that what faith is about? Questioning it when you don’t understand, believing in it when it’s all you have and never letting go because what would life be without it? So I’m going to struggle, and I’m going to lean on those around me and I’m going to have faith. Questioning, believing and holding on, but faith in its most basic form, because if I don’t have that, what do I have?

Forever in my heart.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I'm pretty sure the saying, "a dog is a man's best friend" is the understatement of the century. A dog is not just a mans (or woman's) best friend, a dog is something that proves that love can be, and is unconditional. A dog makes everything better when everything sucks. A dog is the best listener I've ever known. A dog is so much more than what some people perceive. Call me crazy for over-thinking what a dog really is, but tonight I did one of the hardest things I've ever done. I put my dog to sleep, I let her go. After an hour in the room with my dad and brother, 2 slices of cheese (her favorite) later, it was finally time to say goodbye to my best friend. I've had Gracie since I was 9 years old, and now at 22 years old, I had to say goodbye. It sucks, and it hurts my heart, and to say it hasn't effected my family is a lie. Everyone that knew me, knew Gracie, and while I'm positive she's someplace better, somewhere where the cancer can't hurt her anymore, it still sucks. She'll be missed and always loved.
RIP Gracie- I miss you more than you'll ever know.

A vintage Kristen & Gracie.
November 30, 1997-October 28, 2009.

Hooray for birthdays!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Happy Birthday Whit - It's a celebration!

the memories don't fade.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Long conversations, great BBM's, memories of Villa Malibu 223.
Let's go back to being roommates - deal?

With all my heart.

The thing I've always loved about One Tree Hill is the narrative they have at both the beginning and the end with Lucas (Chad Michael Murray) saying something from Emerson, E.E. Cummings, John Steinbeck, William Blake, George Elliot, Henry James and the occasional Shakespeare. Ever since the show has started I've kept a word document of these brilliant quotes and believe it or not, I use them quite often. This one isn't a quote from one of the 'greats' but instead the characters themselves.
Peyton: Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want. Everything you want.
Lucas: Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is going to come from, the next smile. The next wish come true.
Peyton: But if you believe that it is right around the corner. And you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it....
Brooke: You just might get the thing you’re wishing for.
Nathan: The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it?
Haley: Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart.
Maybe if we start believing that the miracles are just around the corner and the next wish we wish will come true, it will.  Maybe I have to start opening my heart and mind to all those possibilities. It's time I start believing in it, and myself, with all my heart.

another time & place.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Things happen, things rearrange themselves, and sometimes change is imperative. It's a weird time masked with insecurity and uncertainty, and maybe sometimes change is the little piece of confidence boost that everyone needs. Maybe it's a move to a new city, a new apartment, a new job. Or maybe it's a new roommate, new location and a fresh start. Life is messy and unsure and most of the time a little confusing but it's time to do what I need to do. Maybe it's moving on, out and up. Maybe it's doing what my heart needs to do. People say 'these are the best years of our lives.' I think its time for me to start acting like they are. It's scary and sometimes it sucks, but it's about being twenty-two and using that feeling to do something great.
Somebody else gets what you wanted again
You know it's all the same, another time and place

Because these things will change, can you feel it now?
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win
And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives
Will we stand up champions tonight? We'll sing hallelujah!
So here it is. The best years of my life and I'm determined to make it so. Maybe one day we'll sing hallelujah.

What we do have.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing & appreciating what we do have.
-Frederick Keonig

Life is slippery.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I had one of those days that changed everything. Thanks previous blog. I'm learning perseverance. I'm learning to trust God. I'm learning that my plans might not always be His. It's hard when the idea that something else is there and you can't seem to accept it. I have to learn to accept it. I'm learning that what I want isn't always what He wants. There's something else for me. This might not be His master plan. I have understand that. I have to believe that. Because honestly, if I don't, what is there to believe in?

I have to believe that in five years, this isn't going to be more than just a mini roadblock and that I'm not destined to being a fry flipper. I have to believe that I've made it this far, and I'm not going to stop until I make it further. I have to believe that there is something greater in my future that I can't seem to figure out yet. All I have to do is believe.

One of my best friends said to me today, 'Either keep preserving because you honestly believe you love this, or find something else that's gonna make you happy.'

Here's to figuring it all out.
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say?


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Isn't it weird how one day can change everything?

Today could be an anniversary. An anniversary of what was, what is, or what could have been. Today could be a breakup, the beginning, the end, or the hope of something fresh. Today could be the day your future is decided, the day your LSAT score is delivered. Today could be a meeting or an interview, a possibility to change the future. Today could be the day that changes tomorrow. Its amazing how much can happen in one day. What am I going to do about it? What is today going to be? What is it going to mean?

There are a lot of what if's. A lot of what could be's. What does today mean to me?

Today is the day to dream of trips to Italy, listen to old school Britney & the BEST of Michael Jackson. Today is the day to look through 9000 pictures from college, listen to Fergie and reminisce. Today is the day to drink 3 cups of coffee, write letters that mean something, believe in all the possibilities, act on all possibilities, read a new book, take a break, take a compliment, eat food that isn't good for you. Today is the day to tell the person you love that you LOVE them, plan a trip, wish for everything. Today is the day to love your dog, compliment your mom, ROCK out, find shapes in the clouds, laugh with your best friend, make a list, turn off the computer and take a walk outside. Today is the day to buy an outfit that makes you feel good, dream, discover ways to take over the world, think of new ideas, let go, kiss the person you love, laugh out loud. Today is the day to admit you're vulnerable, skype your best friend, watch TV because for a moment, it takes the place of sadness. Today is the day to finish something that is still unfinished, organize your life. Today is the day to believe you can do it all.

Lanvin's Spring show

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Sometimes pictures do more than words. LOVE all of these.
Alexander Wang and Sonia Rykiel = genius.

It's the three of us.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

 Because it's about being there for each other. 

A break in the routine.

Sometimes things aren't always how they used to be.

People change, feelings change, but sometimes change is what brings everyone back together.

Whit and I have been talking for a while that we needed a change from our routine weekend activities. As much fun as Olive&Ivy is, there is so much more to Scottsdale and this amazing city than that. So, since none of us are super crafty and painting was going to take too much effort we settled on pumpkin carving! Whit and Sam made a trip down to Schnepff's Farm to grab the pumpkins, I supplied the utensils & alcohol and we were ready. We had the best time. You know that laughter, that at its purest form makes you laugh until your abs hurt? Or those pictures that will always be hidden away in iPhoto because even though they show the pure joy in our faces are just a little to ugly to show. That's what this night consisted of - joy of friends in its most purest form.
Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
so I'm taking this chance to say that I had the best day[night] with you today.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The reason The Vampire Diaries is one of the best
shows on the CW right now. 

sometimes we forget.

just a little piece.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Sometimes all it takes is a simple, little piece of acknowledgment. Just a little feeling that someone cherishes you. It doesn't need to be some big showy act in order for it to mean something, Sometimes all it takes is a BBM from a good friend to make your day. We have to stop being so focused on the flashy events.  We need to slow down, take a deep, fresh breath and enjoy. We cannot forget how important the details are.

I had the best day with Coti today. It wasn't some big trip or journey to the end of the earth. It consisted of a trip to Kohls, Chick-fil-a and Wal-Mart. It was a great day. These are the kind of days you remember, the small detailed days.

One of my favorite moments.

I decide.

Monday, October 5, 2009

I heard this quote the other day, "Be here - just as you are" and I instantly fell in love with it. I think my favorite part of it is the 'be here' part. I know for me there are times that I feel like even though I'm here I'm not really - my head and heart is somewhere else. It's so important to give time to where you are. The minute we start wishing we were elsewhere is the minute we start losing little pieces of ourselves. Yes, there are times when I find myself in a place I don't want to be, be that a job, relationship, fight, ect ect, but it's my job to find peace in that place. Right now I'm having a hard time not knowing my future. Being the OCD planner-loving crazy that I am, not knowing my LSAT score and future law school plans is really throwing my chi for a loop. I'm learning to find peace in where I am. I'm realizing that I'm only 22 years-old and that I don't need to have my entire life planned out. It's okay to answer those nagging questions about life, futures, boys and jobs with "Yeah... so we'll see" It's okay to not want to rehash all the dirty details and to just move on. It's okay to just want a drama-free weekend.
I'm taking my own chances
And I'm finding my own answers
I decide how I live
I decide who I love
Choice is mine
And no one gets to make my mind up
I decide
I decide where I go
I'm the one who's runnin' my life 

I know this may seem like a re-blog but it is what it is. So, I'm here, just as I am. Let's hope Arizona, law school and everything in between accepts just that.

“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” 
-Dale Carnegie

Kate gave me this picture above and I think the rush of the paint going into the drain is simply beautiful. So, here's to Kate and Currents, I know it seems like there's a lot going on right now, but keep rocking it out. Remember that you're a big badass senior Theta president. You can do this.

Do I ever?

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin’ for the phone ‘cause I can’t fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It’s a quarter after one
I’m all alone
And I need you now
Said I wouldn’t call
But I’ve lost all control
And I need you now
And I don’t know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can’t stop looking at the door
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

Yes I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all
And I said I wouldn’t call,
But I’m a little drunk
And I need you now

private practice.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

"To remind you that you're not dried up."

-Rivals Grey's Anatomy.

Not all Obama-y.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

This morning when I woke up I could tell something was different. Maybe it was the fact that Henry let me sleep till 9:45, or the fact that it was a refreshing 80 degrees outside, but something was different. I could tell by the way the sky looked through my window that today was going to be better. And since nothing says "Hello fall" better than navy blue nail polish & a manipedi with your best friend I was on my way. I don't know what it is about fall that puts everyone in a better mood. Maybe it's the fact that while everywhere else in the country is having to deal with actual cold weather, we're blissfully enjoying 85 degrees with a slight breeze, or maybe it's the fact that the holiday season is on the brink and everyone is starting to smell the pumpkin and see the christmas lights. I can't put my finger on it, but I think I might have a clue. Maybe it's the fact that it's kind of a celebration. We've made it through another year. In a year (or a couple) that have been miserably hard for people, through trials&tribulations, through fears, through hardships, through moments that seemed unbearable - we've made it. We're almost there - we're almost through another year. We proved that while sometimes life gets so hard it sucks, that we can get through it. We can get through the 110 degree summers with the hope that fall is going to bring the cool. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get all Obama-y on you here but it's as if, with fall comes a subtle change - a hope that everyone needs, a skip in everyones step. Throughout the course of a typical calendar year, life can really bog you down and fall is kind of like the pick-me-up.
So smile, fall is here, hope is here - we made it.

"Autumn begins with a subtle change in the light, with skies
a deeper blue, and nights that become suddenly clear and

Glenn Wolff and Jerry Dennis

My bucket list.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Now that the LSAT is over and my life has slowed down (somewhat) I've decided it's time to make my bucket list. This entails all things I want to do in Arizona before I start law school, but also includes some of the things I want to do in life, period. Bare with me - these are only the first 20:
1. See the green light right before the sun sets.
2. Get my 'grace' tattoo. But first I have to convince my dad, aunt & uncle to go with me and of course my mom&brother.
3. Climb Machu Picchu.
4. Go 'clubbing' in downtown Phoenix.

5. Take a cooking class at Sur La Table with my best friends.
6. Drive cross-country following Route 66.
7. Celebrate New Years in London and New York, in the same year.
8. Learn how to surf in Australia, throw another shrimp on the barbie and eat Vegemite.
9. Ride a camel in Egypt and take dorky pyramid pictures in front of the Pyramid of Khufu at Giza (the largest Egyptian pyramid).
10.  Go on a sailing excursion.
11.  Go to Pepperdine law.
12. Ice-skate on a frozen lake, not just a man-made rink.
13. Have 15 minutes of fame.
14. Have tea at the Kilauea Lighthouse.

15. Live in Italy again.
16. Take a girls trip to New York.
17. Throw a fancy cocktail party with no real purpose besides celebrating each other.

18. Write a book.
19. Go bar-golfing with everyone.
20. Inspire someone.

There are no requirements.

Monday, September 28, 2009

What defines a best friend? What are the requirements to be a good best friend? How many hours a week does it entail? Stupid questions that have no answers. A best friend is not defined by how many times they talk on the phone, or how many hours they hang out together. It is not defined by how many sleepovers they gossip at, or how many inside jokes they have. There are no requirements or laws that state that a good best friend must hang out with them every weekend, or tell each other every little detail. A best friend is a matter of opinion. It is the person who has been there for you through everything, not just through the fun things, or the little things. It is the person that you call when you are at your absolute worst, it is the person who saves you when you didn’t even notice that you needed saving,  
mostly it is the person who accepts you for who you are, and the person that you are becoming.

It's here.

Friday, September 25, 2009

After 8 long weeks and more preparation than I could think of - it's finally here.

The countdown is over - Let's do this. 180 baby.

the problem.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

"Don't give up. Your problem gets better next month."

Things change.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

When I graduated from college,
I knew things were going to change.

I knew relationships wouldn't be or stay the same. I knew the people I enjoyed the most would go away, I knew the daily grind would change and I knew that I was never going to be the same person I was in Malibu. But I also knew that, while some things changed others we're going to stay the same. Those I depended on most in college would be the people I still depend on. Those who I loved, laughed & cried with, would be the ones that would tell me "she's just trying to ruin our lives" and make me laugh about the whole stupid situation. I knew all these things, and I was right. They're still there. And after a much needed catchup sesh,  and a facebook email thread - they're still there, being the same amazing, dependable friends I always knew.
I miss 223.

Let's go back.

insecurity, glamour & fashion.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

this might be my new favorite trashy soap.

...and he might be my new celeb crush: Nico Tortorella

No questions asked.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. 
What we need is to love without getting tired.
-Mother Teresa

For life.

"We are friends for life. When we're together the years fall away.
Is that what matters? To have someone who can remember with you?
To have someone who remembers how far you've come?"
-Judy Blume

I know a place.

When all else fails and you long to be
Something better than you are today
I know a place where you can get away...

The greatest gift.

Happy Birthday Dad!
Enjoy your day!

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, 
he believed in me.” 
-Jim Valvano

My list.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

A lot happens in life that can make a person cynical. There are a lot of 'why me' moments and a lot of them are rightly deserved but what happened to the little, daily things that are there to be happy about? Those little things that put a smile on your face and make you excited to wake up in the morning. I found this website called, "14000 things to be happy about" and its inspired from the book (I want the book!) written by Dr. Barbara Ann Kipfer and I absolutely love it. It makes me excited about the little things. Maybe if everyone took the time to write out their list, they'd find happiness is the small, minute things and for one minute it would take their minds off the rest of the 'horrible' things going on.

So, here is my list of 50 things to be happy about (in no particular order):
1. Henry waking me up in the morning.
2. Coffee dates
3. Having breakfast with my mom every morning.
4. Going to church with my dad.
5. BBM'ing & text messages.
6. Arizona summer nights
7. Clean sheets
8. Lazy Saturday nights with my family.
9. Birthday dinners.
10. Driving alone.
11. Arizona sunsets.
12. Florence, Italy
13. Disposable cameras
14. Salt-water, preferably in Ocean form
15. Socks in the winter.
16. My entire (extended) family spending Thanksgiving together.
17. Tom&Camila.
18. Green M&M's
19. Hot yoga during Arizona summers.
20. The excitement of the unknown.
21. Freshly vacuumed carpet.
22. Speed-dial.
23. Movie nights with Coti
24. When Henry sleeps next to me while I blog.
25. Sitting on the patio at night
26. Chicago.
27. Coffee table books.
28. New CD and song recommendations from friends.
29. Pepperdine.
30. The smell of fresh paint.
31. Arizona sports fans.
32. Pedicures.
33. Cold pillows.
34. The bridge of your favorite song.
34. Studying with Whitney.
35. Erin's laugh.
36. Encouragement from Lauren.
37. A phone call from a long-lost friend.
38. Watching Gracie and Henry play.
39. A good youtube video.
40. A stiff drink.
41. The smell of my dad's cigars.
42. Tom's sense of humor.
43. My mom being better than Martha Stewart.
44. Breakfast at Sunnyside.
45. The smell of the rain.
46. Ironed shirts.
47. Adventures with Kate & Kate.
48. Disney movies
49. Faith.
50. God's grace.

Some of those might not make sense to the average reader, but to me those are a few of the many things that make me happy. Now all I have to do is look back at that in times when nothing else seems to be going right and remember the little things.

It gives us the power.

"Grace is the central invitation to life and the final word. It's the beckoning nudge and the overwhelming, undeserved mercy that urges us to change and grow and then gives us the power to pull it off.”
-Tim Hansel

When did the tables turn?

Friday, September 18, 2009

Suppose I called you up tonight
And told you that I loved you
And suppose I said I wanna come back home
And suppose I cried and said I think I finally learned my lesson
And I'm tired of spending all my time alone

If I told you that I realize you're all I ever wanted
And it's killing me to be so far away
Would you tell me that you love me too
And would we cry together
Or would you simply laugh at me and say

I told you so
Oh, I told you so
I told you someday you'd come crawling back
And asking me to take you in
I told you so
But you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours too and take my hand
Would we get that old time feeling
Would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began

Would you tell me that you missed me too
And that you've been so lonely
And you've waited for the day that I returned
And we would live and love forever
And that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turn

Would you say I told you so
Oh, I told you so
I told you someday you'd come crawling back
And asking me to take you in
I told you so
But you had to go

Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again.

The fabulous birthday girl.

Happy Birthday Ang!

I'm so sorry I couldn't spend it with you,
but I can't wait to pop a bottle of wine and celebrate soon!

I don't care.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

You take it with you.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

"It's amazing... the love inside, you take it with you."
Such a stud. RIP Patrick.
Don't forget about him. One of the greatest scenes ever. 

Birthdays are fun!

Happy Birthday Kate! 
Today is YOUR day - enjoy it and celebrate it. 
Don't let anyone take away from that.
(ps. this is the picture that started them all)

I just have to decide.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Sometimes all we have to do is decide to be happy. We have to make that decision because life gets hard, life gets complicated and sometimes its our own subconscious that doesn't allow us to be fully happy. It's like our mind is playing tricks on us. You know that feeling when you're sitting in your room late at night and its like a rush of cold air hits you? That kick in the stomach and before you know it the tears are rolling down your face? Maybe if we just make up in our mind that we are going to strive for happiness- then it'll come. We have to decide to be happy. That pit in your stomach will go away and we can finally be content. Content with our decisions, content with where we are. There comes a point when what everyone else says doesn't matter. There comes a point when its my life, my decision and regardless of what other people say, prod, encourage and push - I'm going to do what I'm going to do. Just one little spark starts the fire, it looks like its my time to make my spark.

You can't make it feel right when you know its wrong.

Don't let go

"The best thing to hold on to in life is each other."
- Audrey Hepburn

Have your moment.

"Maybe we can try this again?"
Beyonce proved once again that she really is a class act.

It's a heartless beating.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Los Angeles - The City of Angels.

September 11th - Eight years later.

Friday, September 11, 2009

We're never going to forget.
Where were you eight years ago?I was I was there to see it in person.

The longer I live.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company …a church …a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past …we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes.
Charles Swindoll


Friday, September 4, 2009

Malibu - my little bit of sanity in the midst of the chaos.

Accelerate your life.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Of all people, I know you can do this.
But...please be safe & come home soon.

Because sometimes there is no easy way out. You just have to grin and bear it. Sometimes the only escape route is to go straight through the flames, just brace yourself and bite your lip. Sometimes you have to sever the ties clean off. [I miss you] Because in every relationship there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can’t sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can’t keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return.

The first day.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Have the BEST first day of school, I wish I could be there.
Take advantage of it. It goes by wayyy to fast.
Take your deep breath.

Walk this way.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

This is the best halftime show ever. When Britney and Justin were in love. When 'NSYNC was still together. When Nelly wasn't a has-been. When everything is music land was great.

14-7: My secret garden.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Last night I had the best time with Whit & Afton. It was what I've needed, a change from the ordinary 'let's go out in old town' night. It was a girls night out with beer, sunflower seeds and cute boys. About half way in, Afton said, "I'm really glad I'm still here." And those simple words kind of changed the whole night. I always talk about missing Malibu and everything that Malibu represents but I'm starting to come into my own here. I'm finding new things, new hobbies, new experiences that keep pulling me closer to everything Arizona. And, I'm really glad I'm here. Here's to more baseball, basketball and football games. Here's to new experiences with my best friends. Here's to different restaurants, and different bars. Here's to everything new that Arizona has to offer and that I have to discover. The grass isn't always greener, sometimes you just have to find the secret garden on your own side of the fence.

Mr. and Mrs. John Hester.

"I don't think it could have gone any better," Hester said. "To have a start like this, it's something I could only have wished for, and it came true. I don't know what I'm going to do to follow this up."

so proud of my boyfriend :)

Happy Birthday to Michael, Happy Birthday to you.

Happy Birthday Michael. RIP MJ.

How could this be you're not here with me.
You never said goodbye someone tell me why
did you have to go and leave my world so cold

That you are not alone For I am here with you
Though you're far away I am here to stay

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