Thursday, March 26, 2009
"So don’t be afraid to make mistakes, stumble and fall, because most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe, you’ll get everything you wish for. Maybe you’ll get more than you could have ever imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end the journey is the destination."
Monday, March 23, 2009
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."
Thursday, March 19, 2009
[You’re the lyrics I can’t get out of my head] I want to make you proud. Unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul. Sometimes all you need is encouragement. If no one wants to look at you, for what you really are, I will be here still. You’re my living contradictions. I’d rather be hot or cold than lukewarm. You’re the decision I make for me. It’s the climb.
The more that you try the harder I’ll fight.
You are the best parts of all the songs I love.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
No one can tell you where you alone must go. There’s no telling what you find there
And, God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones. It’s screaming every step, “Just stay here?
16 years and counting. Can’t wait for the roadtrip of a lifetime.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they are right. You’ll believe lies so that you will eventually trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things will fall apart so better things can fall together."
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery.
I’ve learned the hard way to never let it get that far.
Because of you -I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you - I am afraid
I cannot cry - Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
My heart can’t possibly break when it wasn’t even whole to start with.
You should have known better than to lean on me - You never thought of anyone else
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing
Because of you I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I am confused. Make it okay.
So, all week all I’ve wanted is someone to tell me what to do. I just needed some guidance, for someone to give me that small piece of information that would help me figure my shit out. All week - one piece of advice - that's it. All I’ve gotten is listen to your heart. That’s nice but what happens when your head is playing tricks with your heart?
Well, today I got some advice from one of my best (and smartest) friends. And that little piece of clarity is all I needed and all I really wanted. It was reassurance. It was the reassurance that I needed in order to realize that I will figure it out, and even if it seems hard now, I will figure it out, it will work out. It wasn’t some big piece of advice with a step-by-step program on how to achieve it, but it was confidence, in me. That’s what I was looking for.
So now I’ll take a chance on this thing we may have started.
Intentional or not, I don’t think we saw it coming.
It’s all adding up to something - that asks for some involvement
That asks for our commitment
I think I see it coming - If we step out of that limb
So, I’m going to do it. I’m going to take a shot, and if I miss, at least I can say I tried.
It’s a long shot, but I say why not -If I say forget it, I know that I’ll regret it
It’s a long shot just to beat these odds
The chance is we won’t make it
But I know if I don’t take it, there’s no chance
‘Cause you’re the best I got - So take a long shot
So, thanks for believing in me, lets hope I make you proud.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Life is but life, and death is but death. Bliss is, but bliss and breath but breath. And if, indeed I fail, at least to know the worst is sweet. Defeat means nothing but defeat, no drearier, can prevail. -Emily Dickinson
Today was a big day for me. Not big like wedding day or anything like that, but big in a sense that it is going to define my future. About fifteen minutes ago I got off the phone with Kaplan, the LSAT program that’s going to help me get the best and highest LSAT score I can. I signed up. I’m going to Boston for 6 weeks this summer. This is step one in my journey towards being basically the best lawyer ever. Even though it was just a phone call, it was a call that legitimately is going to change my life for the better. So, one call here, 6 weeks there, then lawyer. Pretty damn cool if you ask me.
The desire of knowledge, like the thirst for riches, increases ever with the acquisition of it."
- Laurence Sterne
So, here we go. This is the big time baby.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
What I am.
Clarity is the best feeling. I’ve realized that just because you care for someone doesn’t mean you need to be with them. I’ve realized that just because someone loves you doean’t mean you have to love them back. It’s okay to listen to your heart and not to what everyone else is saying.
I’ve realized that sometimes you’re just a little too late.
I can tell how much you hate this deep down inside. You know it’s killing me I can call, wish you well and try to change this. But nothing i can say would change anything. Where were my senses? I left them all behind. Why did I turn away?
I wish I could save you. I wish I could say to you I’m not going nowhere. I wish I could say to you it’s gonna be alright.
Reaching out, reach for me empty handed. You don’t know if I care you’re trying to find the proof. There were times I’d wonder could I have eased your pain. Why did I turn away?
We can pretend nothings changed and pretends its all the same.
You didn’t come back fast enough. You didn’t feel bad enough. You didn’t prove yourself enough. You were the thing I hoped for and you didn’t meet my expectations. I waited for you to say those things for five months. I dreamt of those words. We wanted it. We have the memories. We have the smiles, we have the heart. That isn’t enough. That can’t be enough. It’s just a little too late - a little too wrong. It was too much chance and not enough heart. But I love you. And for now, that’s all I have to give to you, but I have to run.
Remember all the things we wanted. Now all our memories, they’re haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye. Even without fists held high, it never would have worked out right, we were never meant for do or die. I didn’t want us to burn out and I didn’t come here to hurt you now, but I can’t stop.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road. Someone’s gotta go and I want you to know you couldn’t have loved me better. But I want you to move on - so I’m already gone.
Looking at you makes its harder, but I know that you’ll find another. That doesn’t always make you wanna cry. It started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. Perfect couldn’t keep this love alive.
You know that i love you so I love you enough to let you go. I have to let go.
Everyone says things happen for a reason. They say it all works out in the end. But what if it doesn’t? What if there is no end? I feel like I’m trying to find the reason for things and I’m desperately searching for the end so that it will all work out. I need a reason. I need the end to come because I need the sanity that comes with that. What I really want is someone to tell me exactly what to do and what to feel. I need someone to tell me that it’s gonna work out and that the chance is worth taking and that the benefits are worth the risk.
I need to know that no ones going to get hurt. I need to know that my decisions are going to ruin things.
Have you ever been so lost
Known the way and still so lost
Is there a light?
At the end of the road
I’m pushing everyone away
‘Cause I can’t feel this anymore
I’m sick of the unknown. I’m just ready. Ready to know the right path, ready to know the future, ready to know what’s right and what’s wrong. Why can’t it all be easy? Why can’t it be black and white - with no grey spots? Where’s the light at the end of the tunnel and why haven’t I found it yet?
I’m used to opening my own doors and splitting the checks
He introduced me, was always just a friend
I bought a new dress, he never noticed
Always falling for these bad boys, such a challenge
I’m getting tired, of cleaning up after them
I think I’m ready to be a woman
Oh love, I think I’m ready
Ready for it
You were such a surprise
An unexpected gift
Said I was pretty, and I believed it
Not really used to all this attention
Told myself I don’t deserve you
And this is just a phase
Could I get used to, being loved the right way?
I wanna argue, but there is nothing to say
I know I need to listen to my heart. Stop listening to everyone else. Stop worrying about everyone else. I need to worry about myself, but until I can do that… I’m stuck. I’m stuck listening to my broken heart and my worn-down head. I’m listening to everyone else and worrying too much. Sooner or later I’ll worry about myself.
Sooner or later, I’ll figure it out.
Friday, March 13, 2009
One of the coolest stories I’ve ever read.
A real life Ocean’s Eleven meets Italian Job.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
So, I’m really trying to figure out what the right thing is. I’m trying to find the connection between heart and head and it’s not really coming. And maybe sometimes a little miscommunication between our heart and our head is what makes us happy. I’m just trying to make sure that I don’t hurt other people in the process. But at the end of the day - it’s just me. And, there comes a point when I have to make myself happy. I can’t please everyone.
Wait, I’m wrong
Should’ve done better than thisJust please, show me what I’m looking for.
Please, I’ll be strong
I’m finding it hard to resist
So show me what I’m looking for
Save me, I’m lost
Oh Lord I’ve been waiting for you - I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking fo
Don’t let go - I’ve wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I’ve learned to love abuse
Please show me what I’m looking for
Finally back from Cabo and after a weekend of rest, relaxation and recovery from a cold its time to get back to it and finish this final stretch before graduation.
So, basically spring break was fantastic with its ups and downs but aren’t all trips? It was quite eventful to say the least. It just made me realize that it’s going to start being about me and not you anymore. I can’t be that person that plays mediator anymore, I just cant. [Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere. Oh, would it be a waste even if I knew my fate. Should I give up? Should I leave it there?]
Best story - we arrive in cabo, mac, c-bomb, kcal and i. Everyone else on our flight has a shuttle taking them to their hotel and we’re like lost sheep. From every direction there are cabbies yelling in Spanish telling us they want us to pick them. (if you ever need a confidence boost…Mexico is the place). We finally find one with a great deal, a LIMO for $80 - (20 a person was the best we could, whew). He grabs our bags and starts leading us towards a 1982 GOLD stretch limo. We die laughing as everyone’s watching us. As we get in, our cabbie, in broken English, tells us he has the latest Nelly CD. Little did we know it was pseudo-nelly, really just some cover of 1998 Nelly remakes but nonetheless- It was fantastic. After 45 minutes and some smooth jams we arrived at our hotel. And don’t worry, we took the same limo back a week later.
One week later, 3 colds later and some sun burns we returned to the states, hoping to never see tequila, chips and salsa or miami vices again.I miss the sound of your voice. I miss the rush of your skin. I miss the still of the silence as you breathe out and I breathe in - and I ache to remember. [I just wish I knew]
Pull me down hard. Faith and desire - drown me in love, cause everything works in your arms. Why’d you have to wait. Just a little too late.
“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.