All we have are the memories.

Monday, April 6, 2009

so graduation is coming. 26 days to be exact. Last night I cried at the very mention of the word - graduation. I really didn’t think it would be this way. I mean, I’ve been mentally preparing myself for this very moment since I was a senior in high school. And, ever since I’ve had this law school - corporate lawyer badass epiphany - graduating hasn’t been this looming doom that I thought. But, for some reason, last night, the idea of graduating was scarier than walking down a dark ally without Edward Cullen there to protect me.

With the foreshadowing of graduation, the stage and the fear of falling off it, people have been going through what seems to be an ‘end of college crisis.’ It’s like everyone is in panic mode. There are parties dedicated to the fact that there are only 25 days left, people are doing things they’ve never done before, all in hopes of grasping the last moments they have left. The idea that “These are the best 4 years of your life” are pulsing through the heads of everyone, and now everyone’s realizing they didn’t take advantage of Malibu and they’re trying to make it the best 4 weeks of our lives. People are going camping, hiking, going to clubs, toasting to the memories, laughing, and if you’re like me, crying. It’s a mix of emotions I’ve never really experienced before. High school graduation was kind of crazy, but nothing like this. A bitter-sweet, enticing, dramatic feeling that probably wont go away for a while. Its all about coming to a realization that things are going to be different - friends are going to disperse - and it’s never going to be the same. But at the end of the day - I think its what you do with that feeling. Do you take it, use it as energy and make something of it? Do you take advantage of these last moments? Or do you hide and run away from it all - hoping that somehow life will slow?

Last night, I had a conversation with someone that really hurt them. I ended a relationship that, while nothing was wrong with it, wasn’t the right thing for me right now. I’ve realized I want to be in a place in my life that promotes my own self growth and the only way to do that is to be true to myself and not cloud it with other things. He didn’t understand what I was saying - and was really hurt by my words. It sucks to have to do that - I was upset after, no joke - but I had to realize that at some point I have to think about me. I had to realize it’s okay to be alone, and it’s okay to figure things out on my own.

That’s what growing up is all about. Figuring out what’s best for you. Making decisions for you. I’m not saying, “go throw everyone under the bus” because without people involved in those decisions, there’s no-one to celebrate with later, but there comes a point where I have to make decisions, alone, because they benefit me.

So, make your toasts, do things you’ve never done before. Celebrate the fact that you made it. Grasp those moments. Take advantage- because in 26 days that graduation stage will be before us - and all we’ve have is our memories.

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I love hearing from all of you and greatly appreciate all your feedback and comments! xx Kristen

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