When the grass turns blue

Saturday, December 26, 2009

I'll move on baby just like you
When the desert floods and the grass turns blue
When a sailing ship don't need a moon
It'll break my heart but I'll get through
Someday when I stop loving you

I bet all I had on a thing called love
I guess in the end it wasn't enough
And it's hard to watch you leave right now
I'm gonna have to learn to let you go somehow

Christ the Saviour is born.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

 Silent Night, holy night. All is calm, All is bright,  Round yon Virgin Mother and Child - Holy Infant so tender and mild, Sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace. Silent Night, holy night! Shepherds quack at the sight. Glories stream from heaven afar, Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia! Christ, the Saviour is born, Christ the Saviour is born. Silent night, holy night, Son of God, love's pure light. Radian beams from Thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace, Jesus, Lord at They birth, Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth.

Smile tho' your heart is aching, smile even tho' it's breaking.

Monday, December 21, 2009

So this is how it ends
This is where it all goes down
This is what I don't love you feels like
It ain't the middle of the night
and it ain't even raining outside
It ain't exactly what I had in mind for goodbye. 
At a red light in the sunshine
On a Sunday nothing to say
don't even try. 
Some are coming home
Some are leaving town
while my worlds crashing down
On a Sunday in the sunshine at a red light 
I thought she was going to say 
Something about that couple kissing 
accrossing the street
or something about this beautiful day.
But she just looked me in the eye
said it's over didn't try to lie or pick a fight
I might have seen it 
coming that way 
At a red light in the sunshine
On a Sunday nothing to say 
Don't even try
There's a mama
Calming down a little baby
in the backseat in front of me
There's an old man dressed
in his Sunday best
just waiting n green
but I cant see getting past
This red light in the sunshine 
on a Sunday nothing to say
don't even try.
Some are coming some
Some are laving town
While my worlds crashing down
On a Sunday in the sunshine at a red light.
 We could have had it all.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I love 'things to be happy about' lists. When the Christmas season arrives it's super easy to get bogged down in the shopping, buying, eating, drinking and everything that the season encompasses, so here's my top 17 things I'm happy about -  but this time, a Christmas version:
  1. Christmas Trees. One day I will be at the National Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony as well as visit all the major trees around the world. Feel free to join me.
  2. Roommates, Villa Malibu, Malibu, Pepperdine - everything that encompassed my last 4 years.
  3. Christmas music - everything from 'NSYNC, Christina Aguilera and Mariah Carey, to Nat King Cole & Barry Manilow. 
  4. Christmas at Starbucks, even if they start celebrating before thanksgiving.
  5. Smores - 'nuff said
  6. Gingerbread houses, tacky sweaters and wayyy too much candy.
  7. The decorations, lights, smells and colors of the season.
  8. Watching A Christmas Story on repeat starting at 8pm Christmas Eve all the way until Christmas Day
  9. Taking a nap by the fire on Christmas Day.
  10. Celebrating my moms birthday.
  11. Changing the Advent Calendar every day.
  12. Mistletoe.
  13. The change in the weather, just cold enough to wear scarves, boots & comfy jackets.
  14. Christmas baskets filled with cookies, candies, cakes & fudge!
  15. Christmas Specials - especially ones dedicated to old SNL bits  like 'schweaty balls' and those featuring Mary Katherine Gallager.
  16. Christmas presents, wrapping paper, santa bags & lots of ribbon.
  17. Everyone being together, celebrating together and just enjoying one another.

#1 and #2

For my unconquerable soul.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

What it's all about.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you smile. Laugh as much as you breath, love as long as you live.

I had the best weekend.


Sunday, December 13, 2009

my security. 

Lightning is gonna strike

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

So what is love? Trust, responsibility, taking the weight for your choices and feelings, and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love. Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I'm talking about.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

I hope you're proud of me regardless of the outcomes.

Seven months and three days.

Friday, December 4, 2009

I’ve been neglecting this blog recently, and I don’t know if it’s because I feel like there’s not much going on to write about or if it’s because I’m scared to be vulnerable on here. I’ve never been one to openly express vulnerability or weakness until I started this blog, and I think for the last couple months

I forgot about why I really started writing this. I started it to show people that having that deep, raw kind of emotion is okay. That being terrified, emotional and scared to death is okay – so here I am, breaking it all down, down to the bare bones of me.

I don’t think it’s any secret that life post-college is not all it’s cracked up to be. No more Tuesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday night parties. No more roommates’ just feet away to tell secrets too. There’s no one living down the hall to have late night movie nights with. Life after college is very different.

It’s been exactly 7 months and 3 days since I crossed that beautiful stage on Alumni Field, 7 months. Isn’t that crazy to believe. It’s been seven months since I last lived in Malibu, seven months since I said all those crazy goodbyes. Seven months and my life changed completely. I’m not saying that this change is bad or that this life sucks, its great, it’s just so different. And it’s safe to say its taken seven months to really learn how to live this life. I think in this society we’re trained to think that we’re supposed to be ‘on top of our game’ at all times.

We’re supposed to do it all, do everything, on our own (Snow Patrol anyone?) and be great at it at all times, no failure – there’s no need for it right? Well, I’m gonna break down what I’ve learned in the past seven months for ya. I’ve learned that life is hard, and regardless of what Malibu taught us - life doesn’t always go the way we want, hope or wish for.

Sometimes we have to tuck our tail between our legs and ask for help. We have to come crawling back and ask for forgiveness, we have to say, “I’m sorry.” Recently my head has been spinning with a mix of everything. I mean, come on, I haven’t been doing that much, but that doesn’t keep it from spinning. It’s been that inevitable, ‘What are you doing?’ Are you prepared?’ ‘Are you going to succeed?’

I thought once I graduated those questions would be answered and I could move on, but…. I guess not. But what if this is my success, what if, for right now; this is what I want to do? What if, after seven months, this, right here, right now is where I’m finally learning how to be 100 percent happy? So what if I do fail. What if forgiveness isn’t always granted? I’ll still be here. I’ll still be pushing forward, sometimes harder than other times, but regardless pushing forward.

This is my life and sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I let other people dictate my life. I don’t always have to pretend like I have it all together, there’s no need to prove, all the time that everything is going well. It’s been seven months, seven crazy months, and I’m still here, chasing after my dreams, finding my happiness, and showing my strength through my vulnerability. This is my life.

What if the voice is right?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

"I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, keep your faith"
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