Friday, February 19, 2010

And at some point after getting hurt you have to realize not everything is going to kill you. Not everyone is out to hurt you. But your own fear, your own hesitance to accept life and trust that you can be happy, it can ruin everything if you let it. You have to relax and open up and just risk that maybe you are going to jam your thumb again. Not all jammed thumbs get gangrene. (Not all guys will break your heart.)

A necessity.

The power of friendship means having the ability to sit down after weeks of not seeing each other and catch up on life, love and relationships. It means taking the time to encourage each other, listen and laugh. Its about understand and honesty. Tonight I had a great night, coupled with Greys Anatomy, hefeweizen and good friends - what a way to start the weekend. 

We are all a part of Gods family.



The power of a group of people coming together is absolutely amazing.

No one wants to be rejected

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Good things happen in really messed up ways sometimes. Sometimes its about really messing up on your LSAT only to be accepted, or sometimes it means taking a job that might not be ‘good enough forever’ but it works for now and sometimes it’s about remembering that everyone fails, not everyone always get accepted, everyone knows the pain of rejection. My new favorite CW soap quoted this tonight, and I’m still trying to figure out it’s validity, or at least its application in my life. “Everything in life… it all comes down to one thing: no one wants to be rejected. I’m not the only one who wants to feel wanted.” Is that what life is really about? Rejection and acceptance? Is life a series of either being accepted by others or rejected by them? When does this idea become too much to handle? Sometimes I think that’s life- the constant give and flow. I now know that quote applies to my life, I do not want to be rejected- Not by law schools, friends, family, relationships. I’ve realized that in my life… what makes me content, is that true feeling of acceptance. Maybe its more than acceptance, maybe it errs on the side of approval. But I guress that’s the life of a 22 year old, it’s sort of like the life of a 5 year old. The constant need for approval, the need to be wanted and to be loved. It’s not a bad thing, it’s a human thing. But for me, it comes down to self acceptance. It starts with being proud of myself regardless of my acceptance to law school, regardless of my boyfriend/girlfriend status, regardless of my job. I think once I finally feel content with that, then, and only then will I find the approval I seek from those around me.

The Engagement.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

From freshman roommates to sorority sisters and now she's engaged. I'm so excited for you Breanne, I can't wait to experience all of this with you! I'm so happy for you.

You brought me back.

Malibu has always meant the same thing to me; its always represented my four years at Pepperdine. It's always been the place that takes me back, everywhere I go already has a memory. Sometimes returning to Malibu brings more sadness than joy because it reminds me I'm not there, but this weekend changed all of that. It didn't take the place of those past memories, nor did it make them less special, but it made me realize that Malibu- the college years will always have a place in my heart. But I'm not in college anymore and it's time to make new memories and stop living in the shadows of the past. So thank you - you know who you are, for this weekend. You changed my perspective, you allowed me to make new memories. Thank you for bringing me back to Malibu. 

I never told you.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm alone with me

long distance.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

What is long distance? Besides the dictionary definition of it, what does it really mean?

Long distance: the act of being far away? Does this definition apply to the heart? Hasn’t it been said that you are where your heart is and that as long as your confident in that, nothing is long distance? Why do we do it? Because we cant find anyone better where we’re located or is it because we’re so infatuated with that person that we are willing. From my experience, long distance makes everything harder. It kind of sucks. It scares me. Again Carly subtlying gave me a little nugget of wisdom - why do we fear? At the end of the day, fear isn't going to get us anywhere. Sometimes we just have to fall, and hope that they'll catch us. But some time one side wants to commit, the other doesn’t, one sacrifices, one doesn’t. So, my question is why, why do we/I do it? Is it to give us some satisfaction that someone somewhere wants us? That even though we don’t see them daily that someone wants us every once in a while? I’m not sure why. I wish I knew, and I wish I knew a way to make it easier. So here’s my definition, the only thing I know. Sometimes someone comes along and they knock us off our feet. They take away the walls you took so long to build up. They break the boundaries. They get under your skin, in a good way, and prove that not everyone sucks. And, to me, when you find that, it’s worth being miles away from. It’s worth the wonder and the questioning and the occasional doubt. So here's to falling, fearless - Because in those weekends or days or hours the two are together, everything seems right, everything is okay, everything is safe.

Somethings never change.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. 
And some stay forever and leave footprints on our hearts, and we are forever changed."
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