I am grateful.

This weekend was a weekend full of celebrations. From our 5-year wedding anniversary to Mother's Day, Adam was nothing short of a party planner (as much as he could be in quarantine). He started the celebrations first thing Saturday morning and continued them until last night. He spoke sweetly, we reminisced over our wedding, and he made me breakfast in bed. Husband of the year.

Even with all his spoiling, I couldn't help but feel sad throughout the day on Saturday. I couldn't pull myself away from the thoughts of "what we should be doing if it weren't for the fucking coronavirus." Please excuse my french, I was pissed and disappointed.

All I wanted was to be in Vail with Adam and Quinn celebrating five years. Five years is a big freaking deal and I wanted to celebrate for real! I wanted to go out to dinner at Mountain Standard, like we have every year since we got married. I wanted to stay at the Four Seasons, like every year and celebrate our marriage. Five years is a huge deal, and I wanted it to feel like a huge deal. I wanted it to feel like more than a typical quarantine Saturday.

Guys, I threw myself a full blown pity party on my freaking five year wedding anniversary.

I let the fucking coronavirus steal my joy.

I couldn't see what was right in front of me. I couldn't see my husband and babe sitting right in front of me. I couldn't see that everything we vowed to each other five years ago was literally staring me straight in the face.

And then, my superhero husband reminded me.

He stood in front of me and reminded me that everything we dreamed up over the last ten years and promised to each other five years ago, we have, right now. He reminded me that our bond and our connection is even better today then it was when we got married, and to just imagine how strong it will be in another five. He reminded me through sickness and in health, we're here, and we're healthy, and we're together. He told me how much he loves me. He told me that even though our plans are not ours, they are better, because we're here.

He pulled me out of my coronavirus funk.

I am grateful. I started out the weekend sad that the way I pictured this weekend was not how it was going. But, my husband is a dreamboat and continues to offer further proof that God knows better than anyone because he placed Adam, my joy, in my life.

I am grateful Adam sees our big picture.

I am grateful Adam picks me up when I can't get out of my own head.

I am grateful Adam loves me despite my crazy.

I am grateful Adam can pull me out of my funk.

I am grateful.

I hope if you've ever felt like coronavirus or any of this craziness has stolen your joy that IT IS OKAY. We are all working through how to deal with this change. We are all figuring out how to handle cancelled graduation parties, anniversaries, date nights, mother's day, father's day, cancelled vacations, etc. But I hope you have someone in your life to remind you of the joy. If not, let me be that person. It's okay to have joy and pain, it's okay to not know how to experience joy in this and vice versa. It's okay to feel all the feelings.