So, I've been in a rut, a big muddy rut. Can't get out, don't really want too, don't really know how. But regardless of it all, I've been in a bit of a sad, rundown, filthy rut. But yesterday all that changed with my daily visit to Starbucks. Who knew that while I was saving Starbucks during this economic mess that they would save me as well. I've decided that mornings are the best time for people watching. Take yesterday morning for example. My usual pre-work Starbucks is packed with a very unusual crowd of people. Take this one man- with flat-ironed hair down to his butt. He was sitting in the big lounge chair right as you walk in, dressed in a fancy button down shirt, nice jeans and his cowboy boots. He looks at everyone who walks in as if they're his long lost love and he greets everyone with a big smile and a hello as if he owns the place. Then there's the girl that refuses to believe it's November and still 95 degrees outside dressed in slacks, a long sleeve shirt and a huge scarf. Lady, it's 915am and 80 degrees out, it's not getting any colder today. But the best had to be the lady behind me in line humming, louder than the jazz music blasting throughout the store, 'Black Eyed Peas - Tonight's gonna be a good night.' Humming with wide-eyed abandon, occasionally swinging her arms side to side. It was fantastic. After all that craziness at 9am I realized something. This morning made me realize that happiness comes in all forms and sometimes all you have to do to find it, is open your eyes and look around. We're constantly surrounded by amazing, inspiring and sometimes crazy things, people and situations. Just look around - look hard, don't stop till you find it. It'll be there, it might not be as you imagined, but it will be there. So thank you urban cowboy, snow-bunny-wanna-be, and the next Mariah Carey - you pulled me out of my rut. This morning, you saved me.

I’ve been struggling. That’s a hard sentence to muster up the courage and come out and say. I’m struggling. The past couple weeks have been really hard, and they’re definitely starting to push my strengths to the extreme and test my weaknesses. It’s been a test of my faith. Carly subtly told me a great quote the other day, “faith is not faith unless its all you have to hold on too.” The best thing about Carly is that she knows how to be there without being pushy and even though she probably doesn’t understand the weight of that sentence, it was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time. I’m struggling, but I’m re-learning to have faith. Yes, I have faith, but sometimes it takes shitty things to really learn what faith means, to learn what it takes. But isn’t that what faith is about? Questioning it when you don’t understand, believing in it when it’s all you have and never letting go because what would life be without it? So I’m going to struggle, and I’m going to lean on those around me and I’m going to have faith. Questioning, believing and holding on, but faith in its most basic form, because if I don’t have that, what do I have?

I'm pretty sure the saying, "a dog is a man's best friend" is the understatement of the century. A dog is not just a mans (or woman's) best friend, a dog is something that proves that love can be, and is unconditional. A dog makes everything better when everything sucks. A dog is the best listener I've ever known. A dog is so much more than what some people perceive. Call me crazy for over-thinking what a dog really is, but tonight I did one of the hardest things I've ever done. I put my dog to sleep, I let her go. After an hour in the room with my dad and brother, 2 slices of cheese (her favorite) later, it was finally time to say goodbye to my best friend. I've had Gracie since I was 9 years old, and now at 22 years old, I had to say goodbye. It sucks, and it hurts my heart, and to say it hasn't effected my family is a lie. Everyone that knew me, knew Gracie, and while I'm positive she's someplace better, somewhere where the cancer can't hurt her anymore, it still sucks. She'll be missed and always loved.

Things happen, things rearrange themselves, and sometimes change is imperative. It's a weird time masked with insecurity and uncertainty, and maybe sometimes change is the little piece of confidence boost that everyone needs. Maybe it's a move to a new city, a new apartment, a new job. Or maybe it's a new roommate, new location and a fresh start. Life is messy and unsure and most of the time a little confusing but it's time to do what I need to do. Maybe it's moving on, out and up. Maybe it's doing what my heart needs to do. People say 'these are the best years of our lives.' I think its time for me to start acting like they are. It's scary and sometimes it sucks, but it's about being twenty-two and using that feeling to do something great.

Somebody else gets what you wanted again
You know it's all the same, another time and place


Because these things will change, can you feel it now?
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win
And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives
Will we stand up champions tonight? We'll sing hallelujah!

So here it is. The best years of my life and I'm determined to make it so. Maybe one day we'll sing hallelujah.

I had one of those days that changed everything. Thanks previous blog. I'm learning perseverance. I'm learning to trust God. I'm learning that my plans might not always be His. It's hard when the idea that something else is there and you can't seem to accept it. I have to learn to accept it. I'm learning that what I want isn't always what He wants. There's something else for me. This might not be His master plan. I have understand that. I have to believe that. Because honestly, if I don't, what is there to believe in?

I have to believe that in five years, this isn't going to be more than just a mini roadblock and that I'm not destined to being a fry flipper. I have to believe that I've made it this far, and I'm not going to stop until I make it further. I have to believe that there is something greater in my future that I can't seem to figure out yet. All I have to do is believe.

One of my best friends said to me today, 'Either keep preserving because you honestly believe you love this, or find something else that's gonna make you happy.'

Here's to figuring it all out.

I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say?

Isn't it weird how one day can change everything?

Today could be an anniversary. An anniversary of what was, what is, or what could have been. Today could be a breakup, the beginning, the end, or the hope of something fresh. Today could be the day your future is decided, the day your LSAT score is delivered. Today could be a meeting or an interview, a possibility to change the future. Today could be the day that changes tomorrow. Its amazing how much can happen in one day. What am I going to do about it? What is today going to be? What is it going to mean?

There are a lot of what if's. A lot of what could be's. What does today mean to me?

Today is the day to dream of trips to Italy, listen to old school Britney & the BEST of Michael Jackson. Today is the day to look through 9000 pictures from college, listen to Fergie and reminisce. Today is the day to drink 3 cups of coffee, write letters that mean something, believe in all the possibilities, act on all possibilities, read a new book, take a break, take a compliment, eat food that isn't good for you. Today is the day to tell the person you love that you LOVE them, plan a trip, wish for everything. Today is the day to love your dog, compliment your mom, ROCK out, find shapes in the clouds, laugh with your best friend, make a list, turn off the computer and take a walk outside. Today is the day to buy an outfit that makes you feel good, dream, discover ways to take over the world, think of new ideas, let go, kiss the person you love, laugh out loud. Today is the day to admit you're vulnerable, skype your best friend, watch TV because for a moment, it takes the place of sadness. Today is the day to finish something that is still unfinished, organize your life. Today is the day to believe you can do it all.