You can if you think you can.
- George Reeves
- George Reeves
I have the best tutor. He makes me feel so much better about everything LSAT. We're doing big things next week. Just wait.
"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around.
You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasure kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just have them nearby.
Things that never interest you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find the being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."
-Bob Marley
You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasure kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just have them nearby.
Things that never interest you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find the being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."
-Bob Marley
I love this. I want this.
I love him & this just made it ten times better.
"There is no doubt in my mind that I love you," Jillian told Ed tearfully.
"I wanted to tell you for so long."
"I wanted to tell you for so long."
"I want you to be with me forever," he said.
“We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected’s just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.”
-Grey's Anatomy
For me it's all about the support system I have. Maybe that's a bad thing because I do rely on the people in my life a lot. This weekend my oldest friend, literally have known her since the day she came home from the hospital (I was only 6 months old!) came to visit me. We haven't spent more than 2 weeks together at a time ever in our entire lives but every time we're back together it's like nothings changed. It's the most amazing relationship and I know that regardless of where we both end up, she will always be there. She's my blessing from London.
I have the most encouraging people in my life.
Without them, this whole Boston experience would be impossible.
My dad: "It's about the passion and the commitment, and obviously you've got both of those....you're doing the right thing."
My mom: If I could put every daily email and text I get from my mom on here I'd have to start another blog.
My brother: See here.
Whit: "I'm on the bandwagon and I am proud of you.. AND I say FUCK off to the weak-asses who can't jump on this bandwagon!!!"
Patti: "good luck, K! you can do it :)"
Kate: " :) i love you Kris and I'm so proud of you for doing this!!!"
Matt: "Keep working hard and it'll go by fast. Remember you're gonna be a bad ass lawyer dear."
I know they may seem small or not that big of a deal but it is a big deal.
You all mean the world to me.
Without them, this whole Boston experience would be impossible.
My dad: "It's about the passion and the commitment, and obviously you've got both of those....you're doing the right thing."
My mom: If I could put every daily email and text I get from my mom on here I'd have to start another blog.
My brother: See here.
Whit: "I'm on the bandwagon and I am proud of you.. AND I say FUCK off to the weak-asses who can't jump on this bandwagon!!!"
Patti: "good luck, K! you can do it :)"
Kate: " :) i love you Kris and I'm so proud of you for doing this!!!"
Matt: "Keep working hard and it'll go by fast. Remember you're gonna be a bad ass lawyer dear."
I know they may seem small or not that big of a deal but it is a big deal.
You all mean the world to me.
They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go,
but friendships never go out of style.
Some love stories aren't epic novels, some are short stories
But, that doesn't make them any less filled with love.
This will be my wedding.
but friendships never go out of style.
Some love stories aren't epic novels, some are short stories But, that doesn't make them any less filled with love.
This will be my wedding.
“In the end, the most important thing is to be true to yourself and those you love and work hard. Work like there’s no tomorrow. Train. Strive. Really train and cultivate your talent to the highest degree. Be the best at what you do. Get to know more about your field than anybody alive. Use the tools of your trade, if it’s books or a floor to dance on or a body of water to swim in. Whatever it is, it’s yours. That’s what I’ve always tried to remember.” - Michael Jackson
This week has been... weird. Different? Hard? New? It's weird when things end. Its adjusting to the difference. It's hard moving on. But, it's new and while all those emotions are flowing, it's all part of the process. It's filling the gaps with girls nights out, cheering your friends on, watching them succeed, accomplishing your goals, meeting new people and learning how to start fresh. Everyone does it, everyone's had to get there.
The more I'm in Boston the more I fall in love with this city. The vibe in this place is constant. It's upbeat and vivacious and rowdy, and it demands the same of the people who live here. I'm fascinated by the people in this program. I have met some incredible, incredible people. Last night we went and watched one of the girls in my program, Alison, try out to become a Boston Celtics cheerleader. SHE DID IT! It was fantastic, 25 of us went to cheer her on and if you didn't know better you'd think we've all been friends for years. We mesh, we have fun together and the more time I spend with them the more blessed I feel to have been able to do this program. Aside from the amazing people, the program itself is crazy. It's rigorous but challenging and it is allowing me to reach my potential. I can't wait to see what September 26th is going to be like (the day I take the LSAT). It's going to be a rush.
So, back to my Disney channel roots, I love Demi Lovato. This song is called "Falling Over Me." It's amazing. I really love it. Enjoy.
The more I'm in Boston the more I fall in love with this city. The vibe in this place is constant. It's upbeat and vivacious and rowdy, and it demands the same of the people who live here. I'm fascinated by the people in this program. I have met some incredible, incredible people. Last night we went and watched one of the girls in my program, Alison, try out to become a Boston Celtics cheerleader. SHE DID IT! It was fantastic, 25 of us went to cheer her on and if you didn't know better you'd think we've all been friends for years. We mesh, we have fun together and the more time I spend with them the more blessed I feel to have been able to do this program. Aside from the amazing people, the program itself is crazy. It's rigorous but challenging and it is allowing me to reach my potential. I can't wait to see what September 26th is going to be like (the day I take the LSAT). It's going to be a rush.
So, back to my Disney channel roots, I love Demi Lovato. This song is called "Falling Over Me." It's amazing. I really love it. Enjoy.
"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light."
-Albert Schweitzer
-Albert Schweitzer
You have approximately 1,080 months to live in your life.Make sure the 1 month you live in Boston isn't one where you're wishing to be someplace else. You've got the rest of your life to plan where you want to spend it.
Be jealous your brother isn't as cool as mine.
"No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal,you’ll never get through it without your friends.”
| | |
“I don’t understand the human heart. Only pain makes it grow stronger. Only sorrow makes it kind. Contentment makes it wither, and joy seems to build walls around it. The heart is perverse, and it is cruel, I hate the heart and it seems to hate me.”
| — | Douglas Coupland, The Gum Thief |
I need a break.Take me to Tahoe with my mom, dad, brother & my best friends.
I just need a break.
"The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it."
- Moliere
I don't know where Whit keeps finding these Twilight cast pictures, but I'm obsessed.
"You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."
-Edward Cullen, New Moon.
"We fail, we all have and it stops now. The bars have been raised."
Thank you Grey's Anatomy. Some times it seems like failure is inevitable. Regardless of what I do, say, feel, study, attempt- it doesn't make a difference, failure is in my future. The last 2 weeks have been the biggest test of my abilities. The biggest battle of heart, head & physical capabilities. Most of the time I think I'm staying afloat- appeasing the senses while still getting my shit done. But then there are those times when I fail- there are times when I feel like I'm drowning in everyones expectations of who I am. I fail myself. I fail those closest to me. I let down everyone who's counting on me. But this is my time. This is probably the only six weeks where I'm allowed to be selfish and worry about myself. This is my future. The LSAT is my future and its a big deal. So either jump on my bandwagon or don't. I'm going to do this and I'm not going to fail.
Thank you Grey's Anatomy. Some times it seems like failure is inevitable. Regardless of what I do, say, feel, study, attempt- it doesn't make a difference, failure is in my future. The last 2 weeks have been the biggest test of my abilities. The biggest battle of heart, head & physical capabilities. Most of the time I think I'm staying afloat- appeasing the senses while still getting my shit done. But then there are those times when I fail- there are times when I feel like I'm drowning in everyones expectations of who I am. I fail myself. I fail those closest to me. I let down everyone who's counting on me. But this is my time. This is probably the only six weeks where I'm allowed to be selfish and worry about myself. This is my future. The LSAT is my future and its a big deal. So either jump on my bandwagon or don't. I'm going to do this and I'm not going to fail.
"Whether you prevail or fail, endure or die, depends more on what you do to yourself than on what the world does to you."
Skype dates with these two make long days in Boston go so much faster.
And, nothing beats 5:30 am Boston sunrises from your bedroom window.
This place is stunning.
It's been one week. To say I either love it or hate it is hard because I don't think emotions of that degree are applicable to this course. Love it? No, I love the city, the people I've met and the experience I'm having. Hate it? Of course not, it's preparing me for something bigger. I hate the hours and the fact that I'm struggling, but hate the course, no. It's fun because I feel like I got to go back to college. I got new roommates, new teachers, new walk to class, a new starbucks (!), new friends, BRAND new experiences, and I'm so excited I got to go back, even if just for a little bit. I feel like God knew how much I was struggling with the whole "growing up, moving on" thing, so He let me go back to it so that I could get my final fill. Here are some pictures from the weekend.
Fenway Park!
The roommates!
Love that dirty water?
“I’ve learned that nobody can do much without somebody else. You’ve got to have friends.”
-The Public Enemy
-The Public Enemy
We had the best weekend. Friday night we went to the Red Sox game and they won :) We went out after to celebrate the win, along with 28,000 other Sox fans. It was incredible. I never realized how rad it is to be able to walk everywhere you want to go. To be able to wear your baseball 'gear' out and not be looked at like you're crazy - in fact... if you don't have gear on, you're crazy. I realized how much I love the city of Boston on Friday night. There is so much vivacity to this city and it's contagious. I realized that without these 2, this program would be a lot more draining than it already is, God truly blessed me with these two. Saturday I vegged out, played some soccer, and went to dinner with Lacy, Sarah & Olivia. I know it sounds weird, but I realized that hanging out with them feels like we've been girlfriends for a long time. Maybe it's the way this program is designed but I feel like we've known each other forever. We had a great, 4 hour dinner talking and getting to know each other, only to be greeted by torrential downpour. After twenty minutes of attempting to hail a cab - success. We went home, popped a bottle of wine and enjoyed the evening with a bunch of other kids in our program. I realized the reason we all bond is because we're going through this together. No one else will ever understand how demanding this program is, and that's what we have each other for. It was an amazing inaugural weekend in Boston and I can't wait to see what the next 5 weeks holds for us. Back to the daily grind tomorrow. Get ready LSAT - because I finally realized that I will be ready for you.
“But to risk, we must,
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
The man, the woman, who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
Matthew Kidman. I will always remember... The three legs of the tripod. My business partner. My student advisor. The next Einstein. Eli's calling card. Klitz's big debut. My own scholarship to Georgetown. And of course, I'll never forget the girl next door. As for me, I'm just going with it.
Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about.
Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about.Here I am, 3 days in to the most extensive LSAT review class I could have ever imagined. I've been challenged more mentally in the last 3 days than I was in 3 months of college. I've never been in a situation, that all at once tests my mental ability, endurance and physical ability more than here. It's hard. It's really hard to admit that you're struggling, or to see others around you blazing by you with complete understanding. But it's all a test. Our professors keep saying, with practice, with time, you'll understand. But when all it feels like is drowning, it's hard to keep reminding yourself of that. This test, is everything in terms of what I'm going to do with my life. But, at the end of the day, I have to remember it's only a test. It's a test of my mental ability, my endurance and my physical ability, and all I can do is prepare myself the best I know how. So, throughout the next 5 1/2 weeks there are going to be hard days and easy days, but at the end, it'll be worth it.
That place between mentally, physical and emotionally exhausted? That's where I am.
It's 5:51 pm, the first time I've been able to 'rest' since 12:10 am last night. I still have dinner, tutoring, and hopefully a quick run at the gym before hitting the hay.
Today was a hard day for me. It's hard for me to remember that we're only 2 days in and I don't know much. It's really hard for me to not be good at this already. It's like, one minute I feel like I'm catching on and then they throw another problem at us and I don't understand an ounce of it. I guess that comes with this whole 6-week class and eventually (or so they keep saying), it'll come to us, but I just got a little down on myself.
Stay positive. Stay focused. Breathe.
At least the people are fun. Thank god for my two (now 3, the jury is still out on her-like the law reference?) suite mates. They are my saving grace. I've met two other great girls, Joanna and Olivia who are super sweet. Plus there's a cute guy, Richard, not too shabby to look at. But all in all the professors are some of, if not the, smartest people I've ever been taught by. They just exude brilliance. The whole group is a very interesting dynamic. People are from all over. Canada, London, New York, California, Texas, Middle East, ect... it's a really great learning experience and so far so good. Let's just see where this blog ends up in 6 weeks, ha.
Well, I'm off to go grab dinner before my tutoring session. Wish me luck.
It's 5:51 pm, the first time I've been able to 'rest' since 12:10 am last night. I still have dinner, tutoring, and hopefully a quick run at the gym before hitting the hay.
Today was a hard day for me. It's hard for me to remember that we're only 2 days in and I don't know much. It's really hard for me to not be good at this already. It's like, one minute I feel like I'm catching on and then they throw another problem at us and I don't understand an ounce of it. I guess that comes with this whole 6-week class and eventually (or so they keep saying), it'll come to us, but I just got a little down on myself.
Stay positive. Stay focused. Breathe.
At least the people are fun. Thank god for my two (now 3, the jury is still out on her-like the law reference?) suite mates. They are my saving grace. I've met two other great girls, Joanna and Olivia who are super sweet. Plus there's a cute guy, Richard, not too shabby to look at. But all in all the professors are some of, if not the, smartest people I've ever been taught by. They just exude brilliance. The whole group is a very interesting dynamic. People are from all over. Canada, London, New York, California, Texas, Middle East, ect... it's a really great learning experience and so far so good. Let's just see where this blog ends up in 6 weeks, ha.
Well, I'm off to go grab dinner before my tutoring session. Wish me luck.
Happy Birthday Best. I love you & I wish I was there to celebrate with you.Day 2 Schedule:
6:30 am: Wake up call.
7:30 am: Leave dorm with L&S, walk to Starbucks (of course) and make the trek to class.
8:00 am: Arrive in our Skills class
8:04 am: A kid in our class passes out for about 2 minutes and just before we connect with 9-1-1, he awakens....weird? Yes.
10:15 am: I'm starting to fade.
12:08 pm: Lunch time! Walk (in the rain) to Warren Towers where we try and find nourishment.
1:00 pm: Walk to Starbucks with L&S, Olivia and Joanna. Thank Jesus.
1:30 pm-3 pm: 'Cohort' group going over "assumptions." Barf.
3:00 pm: Workshop with John, going over 'assumptions,' again.
4:00 pm: Workshop with Deb. O. going over Logic games.
5:15 pm: Finally leave the Law School in the FREEZING cold and rain. Awesome.
5:20 pm: Receive email from Jeff - NEW SUITEMATE
5:40 pm: Arrive at dorm.
5:50 pm: Dinner. Sandwich. Yum.
6:30 pm: Study hours.
8:15 pm: Enter the gym for some 'relaxation.'
9:25 pm: Leave gym in high spirits.
9:45 pm: Start on homework, transcribing notes, getting ready for tomorrow.
11:40 pm: Take shower & blog.
12:10 am: Go to sleep.
Plans for tomorrow? Repeat. Plans for the next six weeks? Repeat.
6:30 am: Wake up call.
7:30 am: Leave dorm with L&S, walk to Starbucks (of course) and make the trek to class.
8:00 am: Arrive in our Skills class
8:04 am: A kid in our class passes out for about 2 minutes and just before we connect with 9-1-1, he awakens....weird? Yes.
10:15 am: I'm starting to fade.
12:08 pm: Lunch time! Walk (in the rain) to Warren Towers where we try and find nourishment.
1:00 pm: Walk to Starbucks with L&S, Olivia and Joanna. Thank Jesus.
1:30 pm-3 pm: 'Cohort' group going over "assumptions." Barf.
3:00 pm: Workshop with John, going over 'assumptions,' again.
4:00 pm: Workshop with Deb. O. going over Logic games.
5:15 pm: Finally leave the Law School in the FREEZING cold and rain. Awesome.
5:20 pm: Receive email from Jeff - NEW SUITEMATE
5:40 pm: Arrive at dorm.
5:50 pm: Dinner. Sandwich. Yum.
6:30 pm: Study hours.
8:15 pm: Enter the gym for some 'relaxation.'
9:25 pm: Leave gym in high spirits.
9:45 pm: Start on homework, transcribing notes, getting ready for tomorrow.
11:40 pm: Take shower & blog.
12:10 am: Go to sleep.
Plans for tomorrow? Repeat. Plans for the next six weeks? Repeat.
The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist.
- Harold Wilkins
This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment.Today, I had my first day of my LSAT class. I took an LSAT, did surprisingly better than I thought and started everything. I feel like I'm starting college again, with all the emotions that came the first time around. Nervous to leave home because of the anticipation of the first day. Who would my roommates be? Would we get along? Would my professors like me? Would I like Boston? And, after all the nerves, blogs, and bbm's I'm here. Sarah & Lacy, yes, so far so good, YES. So far this experience had been everything I hoped it would be when I signed up in March. It's going to be the most challenging experience I think I've ever had thus far in my twenty-two years, but it's also going to be the most rewarding. This time in my [our] lives is the coolest time because we have a chance to really figure out what we're supposed to be doing, who we're supposed to be and in all that discovery, we're allowed to fail. We're allowed to fall, scrape the shit out of our knee and pick ourselves back up and keep going.
My fears behind me, gone are the shadows and doubt. That was then, this is my now. And I have the courage like never before. I've settled for less now I'm ready for more,
Ready for more.
This is where I discuss all my fears, anxiety and everything regarding Kaplan's LSAT Summer Intensive Program. Let's see if this program is really all its cracked up to be.
Yesterday we started our program by going on a walking tour of Boston University. Big school, it's weird being in the city, but really nice at the same time. We then headed over to the Trustee's Hall for a catered dinner, full of ice breakers and awkward introductions.
Then came today. We took a practice LSAT. I got a 145. Decent for NEVER having done anything, but I have 12 weeks till the real LSAT to improve.
Yesterday we started our program by going on a walking tour of Boston University. Big school, it's weird being in the city, but really nice at the same time. We then headed over to the Trustee's Hall for a catered dinner, full of ice breakers and awkward introductions.
Then came today. We took a practice LSAT. I got a 145. Decent for NEVER having done anything, but I have 12 weeks till the real LSAT to improve.
Happy 4th of July from Boston!You know that pride you have about your education, job and even yourself? Watching the fireworks over Boston was the most incredible thing I've ever seen (even if it was on TV) :) I've never felt more pride for my country. I watched with my dad as the tears formed in my eyes as the most beautiful fireworks display in the country went off. Blue, white, pink, red, yellow and orange, all as different anthems representing our country played throughout. Soldiers, marines, navy seals and everyone else who fights for this country cheered and for one moment banned together. For one day we all had the same idea in mind, we are all proud to be Americans.
God shed His love - from sea to shining sea.
"We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it."
"At some point, you have to make a decision.
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out.
They fence you in.
Life is messy.
That's how we're made.
So, you can waste your lives drawing lines.
Or you can live your life crossing them.
But there are some lines...
that are way too dangerous to cross."Stop worrying.
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?""That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where-" said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go,"said the Cat
"-so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation."Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat,
"if only you walk long enough."
I'm freaking out. I'm leaving for Boston in the morning for six weeks. For those close, they know that being home has been a bit of a struggle for me. Not the physical part of being home, or even the living with my parents part, I love that part. But the fact that my life went from going-going-going at a hundred miles-per-hour to two miles-per-hour in a span of 24 hours. One day I was in Malibu, the next I was driving across the desert to Arizona.
So, because of that slow-down anxiety, most would think I'm thrilled to fly across the country to enjoy Boston for six weeks, but... While I'm completely excited, I'm more nervous than ever. Basically the next six weeks determines my entire future, but I can't think about it that way, it's just hard. I feel like I have this enormous pressure I have to live up too and if I fail, I feel like I'm going to let a lot of people down. I have all these dreams, goals and aspirations and while they are entirely mine, its hard for me to say that some of those goals aren't there to please others as well. I want to make my family proud, I want to make my friends proud, I want to make my boyfriend proud. I want to show those who said I couldn't do it, wrong. I want to prove to my mass com professor that deciding I wanted to be a lawyer wasn't out of haste, but that I can actually do it. I want Dr. Benton to be proud, I want to make myself proud. I think that's what it really comes down to, me. If I were doing this to please those around me, I would have quit already. I would have moved onto something easier and much more accessible. But I'm going to do this for me. I'm going to prove to myself (and everyone else) that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. That regardless of what I doubt about myself, that I am smart enough. It just takes a little faith I guess. Faith in myself, in my abilities, and in what I know I can do. So, like I said in my post on March 16th, this is the big time baby. Here we go.
So, because of that slow-down anxiety, most would think I'm thrilled to fly across the country to enjoy Boston for six weeks, but... While I'm completely excited, I'm more nervous than ever. Basically the next six weeks determines my entire future, but I can't think about it that way, it's just hard. I feel like I have this enormous pressure I have to live up too and if I fail, I feel like I'm going to let a lot of people down. I have all these dreams, goals and aspirations and while they are entirely mine, its hard for me to say that some of those goals aren't there to please others as well. I want to make my family proud, I want to make my friends proud, I want to make my boyfriend proud. I want to show those who said I couldn't do it, wrong. I want to prove to my mass com professor that deciding I wanted to be a lawyer wasn't out of haste, but that I can actually do it. I want Dr. Benton to be proud, I want to make myself proud. I think that's what it really comes down to, me. If I were doing this to please those around me, I would have quit already. I would have moved onto something easier and much more accessible. But I'm going to do this for me. I'm going to prove to myself (and everyone else) that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. That regardless of what I doubt about myself, that I am smart enough. It just takes a little faith I guess. Faith in myself, in my abilities, and in what I know I can do. So, like I said in my post on March 16th, this is the big time baby. Here we go.
FEARLESS is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.Boston scares me. I'm afraid of failing. But I'm not going to. That's the spirit. If you're not here to root for me, don't bother, I don't care. I'm going to do this regardless.
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