Mama, I see you.

December 12, 2018

It's 3 am and your hair is in a messy bun, you have sleep in your eyes, spit up on your robe and you haven't slept more than 3 hours in 8 weeks. You are stumbling to the nursery to cuddle and nurse your little one. You're the only one in your entire house (and probably the neighborhood) who's awake so you try and be extra quiet. These quiet moments are my favorite. The house is dark, my husband and dogs are sleeping peacefully but for now, it's me and her.

She doesn't know it's the middle of the night as I pick her up from her crib. She smiles with that baby smile and it takes over her entire face. Her eyes squint, her smile is huge, and she sticks out her little tongue. She is thrilled to see me. She coos and cuddles as I change her, nurse her and rock her back to sleep. She doesn't know that I'm hurrying to get her to sleep so I too can go back to sleep, but for now, its me and her.

Mama, I see you.

It's 4pm and I've been balancing work and video calls while the sweetest little babe (who only needs me) is sitting patiently next to me. She wants to cuddle as we dance around the kitchen, all while my work is messaging me about the landing page I'm helping to create. She wants to play while I'm trying to pump and scarf down my 3 hour old oatmeal from this morning. She wants to snuggle while I've got one hand on my phone and one on my keyboard. She's watching me while I work, and I hope she knows I'm just doing this for her. Today, I've only microwaved my coffee twice, and this is a huge win. I'm counting down until Adam texts me that he's on his way home from work so we can all be together again. But for now, it's me and her.

Mama, I see you.

It's 9pm and Quinn is sleeping like the perfect angel baby she is. She's been asleep for 2 hours and I miss her more than imaginable. Adam and I are laying in bed scrolling through pictures of the day and I can't help but cry because she's growing up so fast. Today she laughed at me, I tell Adam, and then I show him videos of her doing that. Today she almost rolled over and I am so proud. Today she put her own pacifier back in her mouth and I called Adam to brag. I crave for the moment she wakes up and gives me that full face smile and again its me and her.

Mama, I see you.

This season of life is so wonderful and challenging and and amazing full of love that I'm not sure I have the words to do it justice. But even with a perfect angel baby, this season of life can feel lonely! I almost feel bad saying that because we waited so long to have this sweet baby in our life. It's the best job title I've ever had.

So yes, the 3am wake up calls are hard, but ya know what? They'll be over soon enough and I'll be wishing for those 3am smiles and coos.

Mama, I see you. I see your hard work. I see your tears. I see the love you give your family while balancing work and the house and dinner and the laundry and the dogs and the tedious tasks that most of the time go unnoticed. I see the way you fight for your family. I see how hard you work. I see the worry you have every day wondering if you're doing a good enough job. I see the stress. I see the love. I see you. I feel you. I'm with you.

Mama, we're in this together.

When people ask me about being a mom, my first response is, I wish I did it sooner so it could be me and her.

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I love hearing from all of you and greatly appreciate all your feedback and comments! xx Kristen