So now, I'm sitting here, on my coffee table watching One Tree Hill, because everything else is packed, watching three movers, who know nothing about me or my roommates or the ridiculous memories they're so carelessly packing away. [And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives...Where we're gonna be when we turn 25] They don't know as that as they pack up my closet they're packing up late night outs, "I'm not going" moments, shared outfits, date outfits, matching jeans and an endless amount of hours spent debating the perfect top. they dont know that when they wrap up the wine glasses that they're packing up pre-parties, girls wine/lifetime movie nights, broken glasses and crazy parties. They don't realize the amount of hours spent in front of this massive tv, crying, laughing, celebrating or competing over mario kart on the wii. As they pack away the christmas decorations they don't appreciate the decorating party or the home baked cookies that accompanied them. They pack it all away, in brown boxes without a care in the world. [But when we leave this year we won't be coming back. No more hanging out cause we're on a different track] They don't reazlie that they're packing away years of memories, because to them it's all just stuff. But to me, its the things that made college, my home. So, I'm gonna pack it all up, put it all away, and never forget. [Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down. These memories are playing like a film without sound] So, it's over, and even as they pack away my belongings, it's not the end.

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever

I said way to many goodbyes this weekend.

Friday morning my wonderful family along with my dedicated bests, Coti and Whitney drove in to Malibu, one last time to help me celebrate my college graduation. We laughed, drank, ate way too much food and celebrated. We celebrated accomplishments and successes. We laughed about our memories. We shared our stories and our adventures. We took pictures to remember the successes and the memories. We cheers-ed and we congratulated. It was a weekend of goodbyes for me. I said goodbye to friends, professors, relationships, Pepperdine and my roommates. I cried a lot this weekend - more than I thought I would. But I think allowing ourselves to cry is how we heal, how we get through, how we move on.

I think I'd miss you even if we never met, actually I know I would. My heart searched for you and when it found you it overflowed. You were everything I didn't know I needed. I just wish your heart needed mine like I need you.

I always wanted to be the valedictorian of my high school. (shhh that's a secret). I thought it would be such a rush to get up in from of my peers and encourage them with my profound words of wisdom that would forever change their lives. I would have eloquent quotes from successful people, Presidents and of course a good love movie, but at the end of it, those listening, would (in my dreams) walk away from my words, forever changed.

Then reality sunk in and after realizing freshman year that obtaining that valedictorian dream was a little out of my grasp, I just said I'd do it in college. So, since tomorrow is the day - my college graduation I'd better let you all in on the secret.

While, I had to be the bearer of bad news, I'd better tell you that I am not Pepperdine '09's Valedictorian. So, while those dreams are crushed under too many nights out and not enough nights in the library, I guess my pseudo-valedictorian speech is better said here.

To PepperFINE ’09,
Over the past four years our minds have been stuffed with information about literature, politics and more communication theories than I can ever dare to recall. We've been taught how to get along with roommates when the conditions seem unbearable, we've learned to appreciate the caf food and I think we've all learned at least one of the shuttle bus drivers names (it's Tom!). But, I think the one piece of advice I've learned, in my college career, that will stick out in mind more than the rest with me is that failure is okay.

I heard this quote from Grace McCalilster and I feel like she’s speaking to the hearts of all of us sitting here.

Listen carefully: you will fail here. All of you. College is not the culmination of your high school career. It is the beginning of your adult life. Only it is a slow sweet beginning that feels nothing like what life and all the attending obligations will eventually bring. So fail here… This is your chance.

Do things you know you can’t do, or think you can’t do but hope in your deepest most secret hidden heart that you can.

Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be vulnerable. Go out on a limb. Or two. Or twelve. The harder you fall, the farther you’ll rise. And the louder you fail, the clearer the distant bell of your future will ring. Failure is a gift. Welcome it. There are people who spend their lives wondering how they became the people they became, how certain chances passed them by and why they didn’t take the road less traveled. Those people are not you.

You have the front-row seat to your own transformation. And in transforming yourself, you might just transform the world. Believe that, and embrace the new person you’re becoming. This is your moment. Now. Not ten minutes from now, not tomorrow, really now. Know that, truly in your bones, and wake up each morning remembering it. And then keep going.

Just because we don't have everything under control at all times, doesn't mean we doomed to a mental breakdown. We're going to figure it out. Let's give ourselves some credit - we're college graduates after all!

It's human nature to fall, to lose control and to have to ask for help. There have been too many times when I'm too proud to stop and ask for help. I think by giving in, I'm giving up, and it's the complete opposite. Asking for help shows that we're mature enough to understand that things get hard, people disappoint you and sometimes you need help. I think that's key in jumping feet first into this new reality we're all about to face. It's scary out there, and we are going to get lost. We're going to fail, and if we can't ask for help of those around us we're going to crash. So lean on each other, respect each other, love each other.

Pepperdine has done a great job in offering us an education, brilliant teachers and a beautiful place to call home for four years.

But I think another thing that Pepperdine gave me that I don't always give credit to, is the people it's placed in my life. It gave me mentors, roommates, sisters, best friends, drinking partners, Starbucks companions, shopping buddies, dinner dates and so much more. And one thing I've been struggling with is the reality that I'm going to have to say (physically) goodbye to all these people. But Callie reminded me today that those friendships are built to last. The people I've meet here have inspired me and taught me in ways unimaginable. I can't get carried away with this process, because it's inevitable - I have to remember the details.

So, as I leave Pepperdine and Malibu, and the beach and all other things considered, I won't forget. I won't forget the tiny intimate details that makes this place great; like sitting in the courtyard at John's Garden for hours hoping to catch a glimpse of Gwen Stefani playing with her kids at the playground, mojitos (virgin of course!) at Paradise Cove, my favorite baristas, my CCB-family, that one study room in the library where we met, Thursday nights at Barrel, or Tuesday nights at Sunset. I will never forget Wednesday morning convos, trips to La Salsa or especially those nights watching Biggest Loser while eating 6 bowls of cereal.

 I’ll miss our extensive; Dr. Phil-esque talks around the kitchen table and wine nights watching Lifetime Movies. So, while I might be leaving this place I call my home, my memories aren’t going anywhere. They'll stick in the hearts of those I'm going to miss the most and even though we’re far apart, we’ll always have our memories. So, here is it, here’s to you, here’s to the best four years.

Let’s make the spectators proud; Graduation 2009? Let's do this.

so graduation is coming. 26 days to be exact. Last night I cried at the very mention of the word - graduation. I really didn’t think it would be this way. I mean, I’ve been mentally preparing myself for this very moment since I was a senior in high school. And, ever since I’ve had this law school - corporate lawyer badass epiphany - graduating hasn’t been this looming doom that I thought. But, for some reason, last night, the idea of graduating was scarier than walking down a dark ally without Edward Cullen there to protect me.

With the foreshadowing of graduation, the stage and the fear of falling off it, people have been going through what seems to be an ‘end of college crisis.’ It’s like everyone is in panic mode. There are parties dedicated to the fact that there are only 25 days left, people are doing things they’ve never done before, all in hopes of grasping the last moments they have left. The idea that “These are the best 4 years of your life” are pulsing through the heads of everyone, and now everyone’s realizing they didn’t take advantage of Malibu and they’re trying to make it the best 4 weeks of our lives. People are going camping, hiking, going to clubs, toasting to the memories, laughing, and if you’re like me, crying. It’s a mix of emotions I’ve never really experienced before. High school graduation was kind of crazy, but nothing like this. A bitter-sweet, enticing, dramatic feeling that probably wont go away for a while. Its all about coming to a realization that things are going to be different - friends are going to disperse - and it’s never going to be the same. But at the end of the day - I think its what you do with that feeling. Do you take it, use it as energy and make something of it? Do you take advantage of these last moments? Or do you hide and run away from it all - hoping that somehow life will slow?

Last night, I had a conversation with someone that really hurt them. I ended a relationship that, while nothing was wrong with it, wasn’t the right thing for me right now. I’ve realized I want to be in a place in my life that promotes my own self growth and the only way to do that is to be true to myself and not cloud it with other things. He didn’t understand what I was saying - and was really hurt by my words. It sucks to have to do that - I was upset after, no joke - but I had to realize that at some point I have to think about me. I had to realize it’s okay to be alone, and it’s okay to figure things out on my own.

That’s what growing up is all about. Figuring out what’s best for you. Making decisions for you. I’m not saying, “go throw everyone under the bus” because without people involved in those decisions, there’s no-one to celebrate with later, but there comes a point where I have to make decisions, alone, because they benefit me.

So, make your toasts, do things you’ve never done before. Celebrate the fact that you made it. Grasp those moments. Take advantage- because in 26 days that graduation stage will be before us - and all we’ve have is our memories.