This has been quite a year. To say this year has been without trials and tribulations would be the understantment of the year. To say this year has been easy would be a lie. This has been quite a year, a year that forced me and everyone to grab a hold of their faith and hang on tight. This year has been a year that challenged everyone, that made everyone realize what truly matters. Thanksgiving Day 2009 has been an amazing day. Together, we, all 25 of us, joined together and gave thanks. We celebrated each other. We enjoyed the company of long lost friends, relatives, new friends, boyfriends, girlfriends and family. We realized that even though 2009 has been a hard year, we have everything to be thankful for. Christmas is in the air, and with that mix of cinnamon and pine needles everyone starts to realize what really matters.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.  ~Melody Beattie

This is where I acknowledge what really matters. 

I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my large, crazy, loving family. I am thankful for the holidays that bring us together and wine that brings us closer. I am thankful that a weekend with my family bring more happiness and joy in my heart than anything I've ever known. I am thankful for friends. I am thankful that my friends have always been and will always be there for me. I am thankful for sarcasm and the fact that my brother taught me everything I know. I could not ask for a better brother & sister. I am thankful for Boston, I am thankful for Olivia and the people and lessons I learned there. I am thankful that God forgives us. I am thankful that God protects us. I am thankful that God heals us. I am thankful for Coti & Whitney, and that through trials and tribulations He has kept up together. I am thankful for the opportunity to live at home for a year. I am thankful that forgiveness lives. I am thankful that he forgave me and believes in me. I am thankful for laughter and I'm thankful that it is contagious. I am thankful for Black Friday and the chaos and madness that comes along with it. I am thankful for Christmas songs. I am thankful for the warm goodness that the Christmas season brings. I am thankful for the hope of a new year and the possibilities that come with it. I am blessed and I am thankful and throughout this year that lesson has rang truer than ever. I could not ask for a better family and a better thanksgiving. This year is about realizing whats important and being grateful for those things. I am more grateful than ever. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Let's never forget to say thanks.

Things just got interesting :)

So, I've been in a rut, a big muddy rut. Can't get out, don't really want too, don't really know how. But regardless of it all, I've been in a bit of a sad, rundown, filthy rut. But yesterday all that changed with my daily visit to Starbucks. Who knew that while I was saving Starbucks during this economic mess that they would save me as well. I've decided that mornings are the best time for people watching. Take yesterday morning for example. My usual pre-work Starbucks is packed with a very unusual crowd of people. Take this one man- with flat-ironed hair down to his butt. He was sitting in the big lounge chair right as you walk in, dressed in a fancy button down shirt, nice jeans and his cowboy boots. He looks at everyone who walks in as if they're his long lost love and he greets everyone with a big smile and a hello as if he owns the place. Then there's the girl that refuses to believe it's November and still 95 degrees outside dressed in slacks, a long sleeve shirt and a huge scarf. Lady, it's 915am and 80 degrees out, it's not getting any colder today. But the best had to be the lady behind me in line humming, louder than the jazz music blasting throughout the store, 'Black Eyed Peas - Tonight's gonna be a good night.' Humming with wide-eyed abandon, occasionally swinging her arms side to side. It was fantastic. After all that craziness at 9am I realized something. This morning made me realize that happiness comes in all forms and sometimes all you have to do to find it, is open your eyes and look around. We're constantly surrounded by amazing, inspiring and sometimes crazy things, people and situations. Just look around - look hard, don't stop till you find it. It'll be there, it might not be as you imagined, but it will be there. So thank you urban cowboy, snow-bunny-wanna-be, and the next Mariah Carey - you pulled me out of my rut. This morning, you saved me.

I’ve been struggling. That’s a hard sentence to muster up the courage and come out and say. I’m struggling. The past couple weeks have been really hard, and they’re definitely starting to push my strengths to the extreme and test my weaknesses. It’s been a test of my faith. Carly subtly told me a great quote the other day, “faith is not faith unless its all you have to hold on too.” The best thing about Carly is that she knows how to be there without being pushy and even though she probably doesn’t understand the weight of that sentence, it was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time. I’m struggling, but I’m re-learning to have faith. Yes, I have faith, but sometimes it takes shitty things to really learn what faith means, to learn what it takes. But isn’t that what faith is about? Questioning it when you don’t understand, believing in it when it’s all you have and never letting go because what would life be without it? So I’m going to struggle, and I’m going to lean on those around me and I’m going to have faith. Questioning, believing and holding on, but faith in its most basic form, because if I don’t have that, what do I have?

I'm pretty sure the saying, "a dog is a man's best friend" is the understatement of the century. A dog is not just a mans (or woman's) best friend, a dog is something that proves that love can be, and is unconditional. A dog makes everything better when everything sucks. A dog is the best listener I've ever known. A dog is so much more than what some people perceive. Call me crazy for over-thinking what a dog really is, but tonight I did one of the hardest things I've ever done. I put my dog to sleep, I let her go. After an hour in the room with my dad and brother, 2 slices of cheese (her favorite) later, it was finally time to say goodbye to my best friend. I've had Gracie since I was 9 years old, and now at 22 years old, I had to say goodbye. It sucks, and it hurts my heart, and to say it hasn't effected my family is a lie. Everyone that knew me, knew Gracie, and while I'm positive she's someplace better, somewhere where the cancer can't hurt her anymore, it still sucks. She'll be missed and always loved.

Things happen, things rearrange themselves, and sometimes change is imperative. It's a weird time masked with insecurity and uncertainty, and maybe sometimes change is the little piece of confidence boost that everyone needs. Maybe it's a move to a new city, a new apartment, a new job. Or maybe it's a new roommate, new location and a fresh start. Life is messy and unsure and most of the time a little confusing but it's time to do what I need to do. Maybe it's moving on, out and up. Maybe it's doing what my heart needs to do. People say 'these are the best years of our lives.' I think its time for me to start acting like they are. It's scary and sometimes it sucks, but it's about being twenty-two and using that feeling to do something great.

Somebody else gets what you wanted again
You know it's all the same, another time and place


Because these things will change, can you feel it now?
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win
And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives
Will we stand up champions tonight? We'll sing hallelujah!

So here it is. The best years of my life and I'm determined to make it so. Maybe one day we'll sing hallelujah.