Seven months and three days.

December 4, 2009

I’ve been neglecting this blog recently, and I don’t know if it’s because I feel like there’s not much going on to write about or if it’s because I’m scared to be vulnerable on here. I’ve never been one to openly express vulnerability or weakness until I started this blog, and I think for the last couple months

I forgot about why I really started writing this. I started it to show people that having that deep, raw kind of emotion is okay. That being terrified, emotional and scared to death is okay – so here I am, breaking it all down, down to the bare bones of me.

I don’t think it’s any secret that life post-college is not all it’s cracked up to be. No more Tuesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday night parties. No more roommates’ just feet away to tell secrets too. There’s no one living down the hall to have late night movie nights with. Life after college is very different.

It’s been exactly 7 months and 3 days since I crossed that beautiful stage on Alumni Field, 7 months. Isn’t that crazy to believe. It’s been seven months since I last lived in Malibu, seven months since I said all those crazy goodbyes. Seven months and my life changed completely. I’m not saying that this change is bad or that this life sucks, its great, it’s just so different. And it’s safe to say its taken seven months to really learn how to live this life. I think in this society we’re trained to think that we’re supposed to be ‘on top of our game’ at all times.

We’re supposed to do it all, do everything, on our own (Snow Patrol anyone?) and be great at it at all times, no failure – there’s no need for it right? Well, I’m gonna break down what I’ve learned in the past seven months for ya. I’ve learned that life is hard, and regardless of what Malibu taught us - life doesn’t always go the way we want, hope or wish for.

Sometimes we have to tuck our tail between our legs and ask for help. We have to come crawling back and ask for forgiveness, we have to say, “I’m sorry.” Recently my head has been spinning with a mix of everything. I mean, come on, I haven’t been doing that much, but that doesn’t keep it from spinning. It’s been that inevitable, ‘What are you doing?’ Are you prepared?’ ‘Are you going to succeed?’

I thought once I graduated those questions would be answered and I could move on, but…. I guess not. But what if this is my success, what if, for right now; this is what I want to do? What if, after seven months, this, right here, right now is where I’m finally learning how to be 100 percent happy? So what if I do fail. What if forgiveness isn’t always granted? I’ll still be here. I’ll still be pushing forward, sometimes harder than other times, but regardless pushing forward.

This is my life and sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I let other people dictate my life. I don’t always have to pretend like I have it all together, there’s no need to prove, all the time that everything is going well. It’s been seven months, seven crazy months, and I’m still here, chasing after my dreams, finding my happiness, and showing my strength through my vulnerability. This is my life.

1 comment

  1. For right now, this is exactly where I want to be and exactly what I want to do. And I'm so glad you're here, too... Kill it tomorrow, K.


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