This is dedicated to my all over-extended-non-traditional family. Living in Scottsdale, Arizona, Omaha, Nebraska, Malibu, California, Boston, Massachusetts, & Florence, Italy, I've learned the real definition of a family. It's the people in your life, who regardless of blood line are your everything. It's not necessarily those to whom you are blood-related. It's the ones who make you feel comfortable and loved regardless of where you are. In Arizona, my family is obviously my beautiful and wonderful mom, dad, erin & tom. But not only that. It's Coti and Whitney (even though she's in Utah), it's the entire Urtubey family who will soon be my [non-blood legal] family. It's Brooke&Kelcy who I worked with at Oregano's who still amaze me. In Georiga, it's Lauren. In California, it's Callie, Kate&Kate, in Colorado, its Car-bomb. In Omaha, it's Kristin, Lyndsey, Britt, Alyssa & Adam (& his fam). I've been more than blessed to have extended family all over. They are the ones who will be forever joined with me. They are the ones I turn too when I really need help, someone to listen, someone to care. These are the people that will forever be in my heart. They are the ones I laugh with till I cry, the ones I drink copious amounts of wine with. These people (above) have the hearts of angels, and will always be my guardian angels. They have forever changed me, and molded me into who I am today. Without these people I wouldn't be who, where or what I am today. I am everybit of who they all are. They have made me courageous, strong-willed & motivated. They have shown me what true love means; that regardless of mistakes & faults, that their love will never falter. They have never given up on me, and I know they never will. These people are the greatest people you will ever have the privilege of knowing.
Family is God's daily gift to us, and the easiest thing to do is take that for granted. But one thing I will work daily at, is making sure I never take them for granted. So, this is to my 'family,' thank you for being exactly who you are. Thank you for being in my life, I only hope I can be as much as a blessing to you, as you are to me.
While I'm far away from you,
Because it's hard for me
And the darkest hour is just before dawn---
"Life" can never be exactly like we want it to be.
I could be satisfied knowing you love me.
But there's one thing I want you to do especially for me---
And it's something that everybody needs.
While I'm far away from you
Whisper a little prayer for me,
Because it's hard for me,
And the darkest hour is just before dawn.
Each night before you go to bed,
Whisper a little prayer for me,
And tell all the stars above---
This is dedicated to the one I love.
What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. ~George Eliot
Some things never change, but some things change completely. For Lauren and I, almost everything as we know it has changed. We're unsure about where we stand at this point in our lives, 22 (and 23) college graduates unsure of whats next. But since 1st grade, everything for Lauren and I have been the same. SCA, Scottsdale, weekend sleepovers. No change in routine, best friends through and through. But in the last five years everything has changed. She moved to Waco, Atlanta and San Antonio. I moved to Malibu, Boston and back to Scottsdale. She has a career job and I have just a job job. Things have changed. But in this messy time of unsure thoughts, insecurities and change, one things always remains constant, us. Lauren's friendship is one of the most consistent relationships I have. It's one that isn't high maintenance, it doesn't require constant work. I'm never worried about where I stand with her, it's not hard work. Friendships, especially best friendships should not require hard work. She constantly encourages me, challenges me and loves me. She doesn't make me feel insignificant. She's real. So while everything around me is changing, and nothings ever the same, Lauren remains the same in my life. She will always be my constant in a world of change and that is one thing I'm completely sure of. 
I heard this quote the other day, "Be here - just as you are" and I instantly fell in love with it. I think my favorite part of it is the 'be here' part. I know for me there are times that I feel like even though I'm here I'm not really - my head and heart is somewhere else. It's so important to give time to where you are. The minute we start wishing we were elsewhere is the minute we start losing little pieces of ourselves. Yes, there are times when I find myself in a place I don't want to be, be that a job, relationship, fight, ect ect, but it's my job to find peace in that place. Right now I'm having a hard time not knowing my future. Being the OCD planner-loving crazy that I am, not knowing my LSAT score and future law school plans is really throwing my chi for a loop. I'm learning to find peace in where I am. I'm realizing that I'm only 22 years-old and that I don't need to have my entire life planned out. It's okay to answer those nagging questions about life, futures, boys and jobs with "Yeah... so we'll see" It's okay to not want to rehash all the dirty details and to just move on. It's okay to just want a drama-free weekend.I know this may seem like a re-blog but it is what it is. So, I'm here, just as I am. Let's hope Arizona, law school and everything in between accepts just that.I'm taking my own chances
And I'm finding my own answers
I decide how I live
I decide who I love
Choice is mine
And no one gets to make my mind up
I decide
I decide where I go
I'm the one who's runnin' my life
I need a break.Take me to Tahoe with my mom, dad, brother & my best friends.
I just need a break.
I have had the best couple of weeks recently. It's been a rush of a two weeks - visiting friends all over. Two weekends ago I was in Atlanta visiting Lauren and it was incredible. I got in late Thursday and the fabulousity began. It was so nice to sit around and talk and catch up. Lauren and I have this ability to not see each other for six months and as soon as we're back together, we pick up right where we started. We went to the Coke Factory and tried Coca-Cola from all over the world and then we went to the Worlds Largest Aquarium. Hanging out with Lauren instantly throws me back into the Vitamin C lyrics, "And as our lives change from whatever, we will still be friends forever." I don't think those lyrics could ring anymore true. From 1st grade to college graduation and still going strong. We were having too much fun together - that we didn't worry about tomorrow. We always have the best talks. We talked about life, careers, relationships & friendships. We talked about passion and emotion and the need for it in all circumstances. Regardless of, if that passion and emotion is positive or negative its unrealistic to think one can live without it. Journey said it right, "Living just to find emotion." We both realized that we rather live with passion and emotion in our lives than to be complacent and boring and stuck. Call me a hopeless romantic or unrealistic but it's hard to believe that there is life without that. Because passion is about living for what matters the most.After that I got to spend a fun-filled week, getting a new dog Henry, spending time with my family and enjoying Arizona. "There's no place like home." After a great Fathers Day, I ventured back to California for a week in the ocean-kissed air and soaked in everything Malibu. I forgot how absolutely breath-taking Malibu is, I know I've only been gone for a little over a month but from that first look at the ocean after coming through the tunnel on the I-10 to the view seen from campus, it really is a diamond in the rough. From the second I got into Malibu it was a whirlwind of events. Visiting friends all over the 27 mile stretch that is Malibu - I was never bored to say the least. I was lucky enough to spend the week with Kate & Kate.
After wine nights, movie nights, wine tasting, Taco Tuesday, the Whiskey and more pictures than ever, we all realized how blessed we are to have each other. Granted we've all only been friends for the past six months, we've grown close regardless of time & place. We're not together every day, we don't get to see each other all the time (besides Skype dates) but we have made a friendship that works. It's one of the most comforting feelings to know that regardless of how hard it might be to maintain, I know at the end of the day these two girls are here. Leaving college I knew I'd lose touch with some people, I knew I wouldn't talk to or see people like I used too, but I'm ecstatic to know that Kate & Kate are two girls that won't disappear, like so many others have. This trip was exactly what I needed.
It was my Malibu-closure that, for the last 6 weeks, I've been desperately trying so hard to find. I think for a lot of people who graduate it's hard to officially say goodbye to something that has become such a huge part of us. For some, closure is found in a new job or a new relationship. For me, it was going back to the place I missed the most, soak it in, remember it for everything I loved about it and leave knowing I'll be back soon. It's hard, but you can't be afraid of everything you don't know. 
"Today is the day my life begins, today I become a citizen of the world, today I become a grownup. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself and my parents, accountable for more than my grades. Today I become accountable to the world, to the future, to all the possibilities that life has to offer. Starting today, my job is to show up, wide eyed, and willing, and ready, for what, I don’t know, for anything, for everything. To take on life. To take on love, to take on the responsibility and possibility, today my friends our lives begin, and I for one can’t wait."Lauren just started on this incredible journey and I'm so excited for her - she's about to do great things and I can't wait to hear about it all and walk through it with her.
Go get 'em Lauren. I'll be here cheering you on. Today is the day your life begins.
strength. No one can tell you where you alone must go. There’s no telling what you find there
And, God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones. It’s screaming every step, “Just stay here?
16 years and counting. Can’t wait for the roadtrip of a lifetime.
So, all week all I’ve wanted is someone to tell me what to do. I just needed some guidance, for someone to give me that small piece of information that would help me figure my shit out. All week - one piece of advice - that's it. All I’ve gotten is listen to your heart. That’s nice but what happens when your head is playing tricks with your heart?
Well, today I got some advice from one of my best (and smartest) friends. And that little piece of clarity is all I needed and all I really wanted. It was reassurance. It was the reassurance that I needed in order to realize that I will figure it out, and even if it seems hard now, I will figure it out, it will work out. It wasn’t some big piece of advice with a step-by-step program on how to achieve it, but it was confidence, in me. That’s what I was looking for.
So now I’ll take a chance on this thing we may have started.
Intentional or not, I don’t think we saw it coming.
It’s all adding up to something - that asks for some involvement
That asks for our commitment
I think I see it coming - If we step out of that limb
So, I’m going to do it. I’m going to take a shot, and if I miss, at least I can say I tried.
It’s a long shot, but I say why not -If I say forget it, I know that I’ll regret it
It’s a long shot just to beat these oddsThe chance is we won’t make it
But I know if I don’t take it, there’s no chance
‘Cause you’re the best I got - So take a long shot
So, thanks for believing in me, lets hope I make you proud.
But really, all we want, and I speak for the entire human race here, is contact. Someone to let us know that we aren’t alone. That the world isn’t a dream and you and I really are happening at the same time, even if it’s not in the same place. That this is real. You’re really there. I’m really here. We’re real.This is real.
[old school]
Oooohhh. As long as we got each other
We got the world spinnin right in our hands.
Baby you and me, we gotta be
The luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin’.
As long as we keep on givin’
we can take anything that comes our way
Baby, rain or shine, all the time
We got each other Sharin’ the laughter and love.
always loving, always praying, always there. Dear God:
The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, She will always be safe.
“I’ll lean on you and you lean on me and we’ll be okay.”Dave Matthews Band
It’s been a month since school started and more than a month since my blog started :)
I think this blog has literally been the coolest release of energy/emotions/thoughts/ideas i’ve ever come across. it has allowed me too let everything out and, in turn, i think it saved me.
it’s gotten me through sad times, when i just need something to talk to and its allowed me to rejoice in the happy (go one tree hill) - well now, i’m here to celebrate the good times :)
at this moment, i’m the happiest i’ve been in a while. i feel like all is calm in my life. my best friends are fantastic. my roommates are amazing, my backbone my everything. my sorority is rad - as are my new girls, the guy i’m dating is absolutely amazing (and hot :)), and my family is the best (go tommy and your promooo)
everythings coming together. everythings piecing itself back into place and for once i’m at peace. I cannot wait for the next couple months to see what happens and what unravels.
I decided that I’m gonna write a book. I’m not sure about what - or when, but it’s gonna be awesome - that's all I know.
I’m going home this weekend - start the countdown…4 days.
Where would we be without best friends? for me, i wouldn’t be the person i am today, without the support and love of my 4 best friends. they teach me and love me in a way, completely different then my family, and in the end has taught me so much about growing up, love&life.
So, onto the explanations - I have 4 best friends, in high school we called each the fab five. yeah, we were those girls - the ones everyone talked about behind our backs, it was fine. we loved each other enough.
We are all very different. two of us played basketball, two were cheerleaders, one was a tennis player. in height we range from 5’4 to 6’1 - blond, brunette, short, long, all very different but still very much the same.
C-tizzle, will be her nickname. our friendship was the typical, ‘met freshman year in hs’ friendship. she introduced me to makeup, thongs, and boys. she practically lived with me till we were seniors and continues to be my constant support. we’re completely different but i think that's why we continue to be such best friends. shes hilarious and sarcastic and absolutely gorgeous, but down to earth- basically fantastic.
My beautiful model 6’1 friend doesn’t give herself enough credit. she’s stunning, one of those girls that as soon as she walks in the room, grabs the attention of everyone, including girls. she doesn’t see the beauty she possesses and i think that’s what really makes her different, she only seems the imperfections, when everyone elses sees perfection. she has a heart of gold and a love for her friends.
My cheerleader love, i have known since 1st grade. she has a nickname that has stuck her her since-forever- and she continues to be one of my best friends. shes the friend that tells it to you straight up. no bullshit, no screwing around, and that's what i love about her. she’s brilliant, a mind for everything. she knows pop culture like you wouldn't believe, but can talk politics with the best of them. she keeps it real, and is probably my most ‘raw’ friend. she is the beautiful, southern belle, prettier than any Texan i know. she doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve like some of my other friends, but she loves in a different way.
My other cheerleader i have known since 2nd grade. shes wonderful, very independent and does things on her own time. there is no telling this girl what to do, because if it doesn't sound OK to her, then it wont happen. shes what the model friend calls cynical because she doesn't buy the fairy tale bullshit. shes hilarious and has really grown into who she is. she’s been through alot, but at the end of the day would put aside her own problems to be there for a friend.
Trust me on this, we do not all get along all the time. we’ve broken up, bitched each other out, cried about fights, made up, fought again, but at the end of the day, we’re best friends. we might not be as close as we were in hs, but that doesn’t change what we’ve gone through together, and that alone is what friendship is all about- getting through the hard times, and knowing that your friends are at the other end, pulling you through them.
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