Thursday, April 30, 2009

Study break.

So, I've been studying like crazy for this media law final and then I had to say my first real goodbye and pretty much bawled. Looks like this graduation thing isn't really coming that easy to me. But anyways, I decided after that I really needed some good entertainment and then I remembered how much I love the Hillshire Farm commercials. So, Calista and I took a good 20 minute break to enjoy them. Here's our fav.

This is the greatest commercial of all time, I'm obsessed.
Feel free to watch, laugh and repeat.
The damaged love the damaged.”-Chuck Palahnuik


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Since I follow quite a few blogs, there are certain things I’ve come to really love - like when people post fun pictures of trips, good quotes are the always best, but i really love “currently on my ipod…” I’m totally a music junkie, so when people clue me in on what they love it really makes my day. so, for all those music junkies out there here’s whats on my ipod this week…. now, mind you it’s finals week so my music is a bit more chill and relaxed than normal.
Blueskyreality - Years & Good Guys
Kate Voegele - Angel
The Fray - Happiness
Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly
The White Tie Affair - Candle
Dave Barnes - Sticks and Stones
James Morrison - You Make it Real
Ray LaMontagne - Hold You in My Arms
Kelly Clarkson - Cry
P!nk - Please Don’t Leave Me
They’re bomb. Check em out.

Oh, the places you'll go.

We're a tripod.

It's over, can you believe it? Our senior year, the capstone to our entire college career - done. It's hard to believe that we've all only been together for a year, because I feel like I've known you two forever. I have no doubt you're going to do great things, or that you're going to be and do the best imaginable. We're splitting up, and we're going on our own ways. We're going to learn, get hurt, fall in love and grow, separately - without being with each other in the same apartment. You've inspired me more, taught me more and loved me more than I could have asked for. I'm not ready to say goodbye yet, but it's never goodbye - it's always see ya later. Friendship is what’s gonna get us all through this moving away thing and the inevitable growing up thing but, I’m never gonna go away.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(90 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
Kid, you'll move mountains. your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea -
You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
You're going...So, get on your way!"
Oh, the places you'll go, they'll be amazing, and I can't wait to see it all, every last bit.

Times takes it all.

Follow, follow, follow.
An inside look...

The deepest joy.

I’m not willing to accept the fact that it was just a little too late.

"The deep joy we take in the company of people with whom we have just recently fallen in love is undisguisable.”

—John Cheever, The Stories of John Cheever

Where there’s a will - there’s a way, and I’m going to do whatever I can to find it.

“You do your thing, I’ll do mine. You go your way, I’ll go mine. And if we end up together it’s beautiful.”

-Cory Matthews

What it's all about.

"Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile"

the transition.

I graduate in 3 days, I’m moving home and everythings changing. Here starts the transition - why not do it with a new blog?

We're funny.

Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within."

Sigmund Freud

The real genius.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Did it ever occur to you that you’re so caught up in trying to make the right choice, that you’ve never stopped to consider the possibility that there may not be a right choice, or a wrong choice, just a bunch of choices?"

Dawson’s Creek

Never truly expecting it.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Love is like death. You anticipate it, but when it happens you were never truly expecting it."

Love interupts.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I read this on my friends blog, and I think it’s pretty rad that such an influential ‘leader’ in our culture isn’t afraid to say this. It makes me wonder, would I be this blatantly honest if someone like Rolling Stone asked me to define my faith in such simple words?


  • Rolling Stone: Don’t you think appalling things happen when people become religious?
  • Bono: It’s a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the Universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people, but the thing that keeps me on my knees is the difference between grace and karma.
  • Rolling Stone: What’s that?
  • Bono: At the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, you put out what comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics every action is met by an equal and opposite one. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I have done a lot of stupid stuff. I would be in big trouble if Karma is going to finally be my judge. I am holding out that Jesus took my sins to the cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don’t have to depend on my own religiosity.
  • Rolling Stone: The Son of God who takes away the sins of the world. I wish I could believe that.
  • Bono: The point of death is that Christ took the sins of the world, so that what we put out did not come back to us, and that our sinful nature does not reap the obvious death. It’s not our own good works that get us through the gates of Heaven.

Pretty powerful stuff.


Saturday, April 25, 2009

We shall not cease from exploring and at the end of the exploration we shall return to the place where we started and know where we are for the first time.

T.S. Eliot

It’s just always been you

Friday, April 24, 2009

It’s just always been you. I tried to fight it and I tried to deny it. And I can’t, I can’t do it, you’re undeniable."

Seth Cohen

I wish I had the guts to say this.

This is the last time.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

When senior year first started I said I wasn’t going to be that girl that every time something happened I said, “this is the last time….” I always said that I was going to take advantage of every moment, and not focus on the fact that it’s going to be the last time I do all these things. But, tonight is kind of a big deal. Tonight is the last class I’ll ever take as an undergraduate. Tonight is the last night I’ll sit in class and learn not only from my professor but from the minds of my peers. Tonight is the last night of the class that changed my future. Tonight is when I start saying goodbye to Pepperdine. Tonight is the beginning of my last week as an undergrad. In 8 days I’ll be graduating. Whew. Take a deep breath. Here we go.

“This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”

Winston Churchill

The reason for this.

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do."

Lauren Parsekian

The love of power.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
Jimi Hendrix

That mentor.

I’m so lucky to have a mentor that regardless of what we talk about gives me that one piece of advice that I need - all personal bias aside. I know this is one relationship that graduating isn’t going to change.

The magic moment.

As the time narrows down, I’ve been throwing around the idea that time changes everything and a yes or no has a much bigger effect on our live then we give it credit for. What if a year ago I said yes to something? What if I said no to something in hopes of something better and ‘better’ never came.

“The magic moment is that in which a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ may change the whole of our existence”

Then I think to myself, what good is going to come out of sitting and wondering? This is here, this is now and I have to deal with the fact that I didn’t say yes or I didn’t say no to that something. So many times I find myself dwelling on the past, the what-if’s, the maybes that I can’t seem to focus on the here and now. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and I think it’s so important to find the joy in our own contentment. It’s so important that we find that little bit of happiness in our own self.


Ever thought about how people obsess over titles? Like he’s the CEO of Wells Fargo, I’m dating the captain of the water polo team, she’s the president of the sorority. We obsess over them. It’s like we need that title in order to define who we are or how we are supposed to act. What if all titles were stripped away and all we had were ourselves to define who we were? Would that change the way we view everyone? Would that be our answer to this extreme self confidence (or lack of it) issue? A friend and sorority sister of mine just started this amazing non-profit organization called The Kind Campaign and as stated in their mission statement it is…

“A movement, based upon the powerful belief in Kindness, that seeks to bring awareness and healing to the negative and lasting affects of abuse within the “Girl World.”

It’s an idea that isn’t really talked about because so many people just push girl meanness to the side and go on with life, without really realizing the powerful (negative) effects it causes. Because of these titles we place on people; popular girls, sorority girls, blonds, brunettes, skinny & tall - we are giving girls room to treat each other with little to no respect. It’s scary because it’s an issue that affects girls every day. Ask any girl why she got dressed up to go to a club, was it because she wanted to impress a boy or a girl, and 9 times out of 10 its because she wants girls to think she’s pretty. It’s scary how detrimental one word can be to someone, how it can change their entire mood, how it can change their entire life. So the next time you think that having this certain title will make your life better, maybe think about a world with no titles - where everyone is who they are regardless of their status. Maybe then this world could start being a little bit kinder.

Your daily life.

Monday, April 20, 2009

“Live your daily life in a way that you never lose yourself.”

Mary-Kate Olsen

You don't wanna miss out.

Have you ever noticed the different ways people deal with pain? I’m not talking about taking Motrin for cramps or Advil for a headache but like the really dark sides of pain, the emotional side. I’m one of those people that when I’m hurting I don’t talk about it. I don’t want to discuss it, hash through it or be analyzed. I like to sit, think about it to myself, journal, blog and I keep it bottled up inside, until I’ve worked through it on my own.

For some people this way isn’t sufficient and they turn to other modes. I recently found out about someone I know who is cutting themselves in order to deal with that pain. And after we discussed it she told me that the pain she feels is so deep that the only way to get over it is to cause physical pain to herself. It’s scary because the way in which she talks about it is very nonchalant. The way I talk about blogging is the way she talks about cutting. It’s all part of the healing process. It’s scary because this not only causes her pain -but it scares others around her. When does our pain and the way we handle it start to cause pain to those around us?

Some people like to scream and yell and vent to friends, others get therapists and some bottle it up - it’s just all a part of the way we’re made. But maybe, if we can figure out the ‘right’ way to heal - we’ll actually heal.


Last night we had our senior kappa send off. It was actually pretty sad. I didn’t think I would be that emotional about it, but when we starting singing our closing ritual song I started tearing up. It finally hit me that I’m never going to do that again - I’m never going to be an active Kappa - everything I worked for in the the last 4 years is now over. It’s like I finally have to start saying goodbye and it just hit me. It hit me that these people that are in my life, are not going to play as big of a role. These relationships that I keep saying, “time will decide” too are going to end in 2 weeks. That time I keep waiting for is over soon. Am I ever going to see these people again? Am I ever going to see these boys that I’ve been pining over since freshman year again? I always thought in college I’d find the person I’m “meant for” but now we’re all leaving, and these boys that I thought could be it - aren’t. Carly and I realized that even if we were supposed to be with those people, we’re not going to be unhappy for the rest of our lives. We’re going to find new people. We’re going to find new boys to pine over. Everyone said college was going to be the best four years of my life - I’m ready to see if the next four can beat it.

It's Britney Bitch!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Last night was the best night ever. Coti and I went to the BRITNEY concert - best concert ever. She danced the night away and we danced right along with her. I don’t like believing the rumor that she lip syncs, so I’m just going to believe that she’s actually singing. The entire hour and a half that she was on stage I was in complete awe as I stood (well, danced) and just watched her.

Like in my August post (click here) I told you so.

We grabbed hot dogs and a Stella (shout out Beav!) and took our seats. We sat by these fabulous gay guys who bought us beer all night and sang along with us. Then we went to Katana with Syd, Ali and Manelay, got the best sushi and then Coti and I made our way to Hustler Hollywood. Overall, it was such an amazing night and I could not have been happier that Coti was there to share that with me.


So, the other night something happened - and it was completely unintentional, but in one moment it changed everything. For a while I was on the fence, and then all it took was one instant and it really changed the way I viewed this person. The hard thing is, is that even though he proved, yet again, that he just sucks, its still hard. I don’t want to be done. I want him to prove himself, I want him to be the better person, but he’s not, and I really dont think he wants to be the better person. It really makes you think about everything you do, because if everything can change in a minute, then we have to be careful to make sure we’re really living those moments and making every minute count.

It's a circus.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Britney Spears Concert - Tonight, 8 p.m. with Coti.

More excited than ever.

A beautiful mess.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

So may you find in each other what you came here for. And trust that this is love because it is (love is trust). And tangled lives you may lead but into each other, never apart, till you cannot distinguish between being and being together."

look at the beautiful mess we could be.

All we have are the memories.

Monday, April 6, 2009

so graduation is coming. 26 days to be exact. Last night I cried at the very mention of the word - graduation. I really didn’t think it would be this way. I mean, I’ve been mentally preparing myself for this very moment since I was a senior in high school. And, ever since I’ve had this law school - corporate lawyer badass epiphany - graduating hasn’t been this looming doom that I thought. But, for some reason, last night, the idea of graduating was scarier than walking down a dark ally without Edward Cullen there to protect me.

With the foreshadowing of graduation, the stage and the fear of falling off it, people have been going through what seems to be an ‘end of college crisis.’ It’s like everyone is in panic mode. There are parties dedicated to the fact that there are only 25 days left, people are doing things they’ve never done before, all in hopes of grasping the last moments they have left. The idea that “These are the best 4 years of your life” are pulsing through the heads of everyone, and now everyone’s realizing they didn’t take advantage of Malibu and they’re trying to make it the best 4 weeks of our lives. People are going camping, hiking, going to clubs, toasting to the memories, laughing, and if you’re like me, crying. It’s a mix of emotions I’ve never really experienced before. High school graduation was kind of crazy, but nothing like this. A bitter-sweet, enticing, dramatic feeling that probably wont go away for a while. Its all about coming to a realization that things are going to be different - friends are going to disperse - and it’s never going to be the same. But at the end of the day - I think its what you do with that feeling. Do you take it, use it as energy and make something of it? Do you take advantage of these last moments? Or do you hide and run away from it all - hoping that somehow life will slow?

Last night, I had a conversation with someone that really hurt them. I ended a relationship that, while nothing was wrong with it, wasn’t the right thing for me right now. I’ve realized I want to be in a place in my life that promotes my own self growth and the only way to do that is to be true to myself and not cloud it with other things. He didn’t understand what I was saying - and was really hurt by my words. It sucks to have to do that - I was upset after, no joke - but I had to realize that at some point I have to think about me. I had to realize it’s okay to be alone, and it’s okay to figure things out on my own.

That’s what growing up is all about. Figuring out what’s best for you. Making decisions for you. I’m not saying, “go throw everyone under the bus” because without people involved in those decisions, there’s no-one to celebrate with later, but there comes a point where I have to make decisions, alone, because they benefit me.

So, make your toasts, do things you’ve never done before. Celebrate the fact that you made it. Grasp those moments. Take advantage- because in 26 days that graduation stage will be before us - and all we’ve have is our memories.

The past is the past.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

You can never plan the future by the past."

Edmund Burke

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