Am I fearless?

December 3, 2008

Why do we do this? Lately I have been in this funk, that no matter what I do (or eat), I can’t seem to shake it. One minute I’m happy-go-lucky, and the next I’m reminiscing, [People say he’s only in my head] yeah sometimes it’s the smell of a sweatshirt, [Gonna take time but I’ll forget] or a ticket stub or even the smell of chlorine [Say I need to get on with my life]- but it still doesn’t make it any easier. I wish I could just shake it off, wake up one morning and feel relieved. It’ll come, it always does, I just wish I could make it come sooner.

Running, running as fast as I can - I really hope I make it (do you think I’ll make it?). I’m running, keep holding my hand. Its so we don't get separated
Be the one I need, Be the one I trust most. Don't stop inspiring me Sometimes its hard to keep on running, we work so much to keep it going. Don't make me want to give up.

Even though that kicked in the chest feeling sucks, it’s the little things that make me feel better. Coming home to the best roommates ever, knowing they’ve been there too, looking at my Christmas tree, talking to my mom, bbming. Maybe we just need to learn to “drink up the sunshine.”

I don’t wanna dream about all the things that never were. Maybe I can live without- When I’m out from under, I don’t wanna feel the pain. What good would it do me now I’ll get it all figured out. When I’m out from under. And part of me still believes, when you say you’re gonna stick around. And part of me still believes we can find a way to work it out. But I know that we tried everything we could try So let’s just say goodbye forever.

I don’t wanna dream about all the things that never were.

To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again…even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. I think love is FEARLESS.

I’m not bulletproof, and that’s okay.

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I love hearing from all of you and greatly appreciate all your feedback and comments! xx Kristen