Your definition of love.

Monday, November 9, 2015

What is your definition of love? 


How does one even begin to answer that question? That was my thought exactly when I received this text from my darling cousin, Juanita. Inquisitive minds want to know and my cousin Juanita has one of the most thoughtful and inquisitive minds of a young 20-something person (not to be taken offensively) or anyone really. She has what I would call an old soul. She is constantly challenging me, encouraging me and writing thoughtful pieces, see here, here, here & here. But let's get to her question. What is my definition of love.

When she first sent me this text, my response was "unfailing and forgiving." I've been married for 6 months today (Happy Anniversary Adam and Happy 5 years together!) and those are the two most wonderful attributes of love I've witnessed and ever experienced. They're small words but they're so full.
  • Unfailing: Never changing or becoming weaker even in difficult times: Always providing enough of what is needed
  • Forgiving: Willing or able to forgive: Allowing room for error or weakness
If' I've learned anything in 6 months of marriage is that there is always room for forgiveness and always the need for unfailing love. Adam and I have had such a wonderful 6 months. Everyone told us the first year of marriage would be the hardest, well here we are 6 months in and enjoying every minute. Yes there are hard moments, personal failures, knee surgeries, illnesses, but I'd rather do life and all the messiness that comes with it with him than with anyone else. 

I then turned the tables and asked Juanita what her definition of love was. Needless to say, this inquisitive mind gave me a bigger answer than I gave her:
It feels like something I can't speak on because I haven't had it but it would be someone I felt completely comfortable with. I could say the things I was thinking without ever regretting telling, saying how I felt and never feeling like I had to change. You feel free but you always have someone on your team and if life was musical chairs (the most stressful of all games) you would get to know that no matter what happens while the music is on, when they turn it off you would always have a hand to hold. It's something that enhances your life but doesn't complete it. Like you could always see blue but now you can see the bluest blue and every variation of it. 
I mean, this girl is 20 years old. How is she so smart. Her last line really hit me, "It's something that enhances your life but doesn't complete it." I think I'm learning that lesson in all aspects of my life. If I'm not personally self-fulfilled, how can I expect someone else to fulfill me? Happiness is something I create and while Adam gives me so much happiness and joy, I can't expect him to do that for me every day.

I think that's where we as a generation are losing ourselves and losing our love. We expect to be on a honeymoon forever, cue the 72 day Hollywood marriages. As soon as the extreme high ends, so does the marriage. To me, love, marriage, relationship-- its all a partnership. It's a give and take. It enhances your life, but how can we expect another person, who's going through their own ups and down, to be the sole source of our happiness and joy. Love lasts forever. It lasts through the honeymoon stage, it lasts into the "this is the comfortable part of our life stage" and it lasts into the "we've been married for 45 years" stage. Love, to me, never changes, it adapts.

Feeling like I didn't give Juanita enough, I added on to my definition of love.
Fight for what you believe in, but learn to give some things up. Always say sorry. Don't say things you can't take back. Fight fair, argue fair. Never stop dating your husband. And, sometimes you just have to laugh because it makes things so much easier even when its not easy.
I have some amazing friends and family that I love a lot. I trust their opinions and I trust their thoughts, so of course I had to reach out and hear their definitions of love. I appreciate their honestly and their hearts. Leaving names out to preserve some anonymity, here are some more definitions of love.
  • An unconditional commitment to walk with others with honesty, offering and receiving support, and having room to grow. 
  • No desire to change  the person (growth and development are not change), want true happiness for them regardless of your place in their life, to be with them all the time but to be okay when you're apart -you feel free. 
  • I think love is a choice to put another persons needs, wants and desires above my own while serving that person daily. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
  • Love means you would take a bullet for someone else. You value their life more than your own. I feel like love is different for everyone. It's hard, but it's so wonderful and crazy at the same time!
  • Love is unexplainable, because I think it is different for every person who has it.  

What's your definition of love? 

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5 comments:

  1. I love this post and the thought that "Love enhances your life but doesn't complete it." I think romantic love doesn't complete my life, but love for my God definitely does. And then of course love for friends and family. Love is what keeps me going every day.

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  2. I think you came up with a great definition. I've been married for 4 years now and it is definitely true.

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  3. I don't know about my definition of love, but I do know when I love someone. I know I love someone when the thought of not having them in my life on a regular basis, makes me feel like I can't breathe. When I love someone, I want to be with them CONSTANTLY, unless I'm cranky....then I want to be alone lol.

    PS. Happy 6 Month Anniversary!

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  4. Love is a Person, His name is Jesus.

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  5. "Being seeing someone instruct couples to be better individuals and not turn out to be more terrible so it is ideal to improve to make a solid relationship than obtain troublesome propensities or practices that can inevitably harm your relationship.Couples
    "

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from all of you and greatly appreciate all your feedback and comments! xx Kristen

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