I’m not the person you left behind anymore. There’s no one here to miss.

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."

E.E. Cummings

You empowered me, not because you believed in me, but because you thought I couldn’t do any better. [I made a promise] I guess success is the best form of revenge. So get ready, I’m not going to let you hold me down. [Never to settle]

Sometimes support is the best way to succeed, knowing full well that you have your family and friends backing your every move. [Never can, never will] But sometimes, its in the second-guessing and uncertainty of others that makes your dreams more desirable. [Can’t hold us down.] So here’s to all those who think I can’t or I won’t, because I will, just wait and see. It’s all part of the ride.

100 days left till my college graduation. Can you believe it? 100 days left and I’m just now reevaluating my life goals. For pretty much my entire college career I’ve wanted to do something that involved journalism, broadcast - some form of media, but recently I’ve had this pull to do something different. Law school. From one side I have people saying, amazing, do it, you’ll be great, and then from the other, i have people questioning my abilities, doubting me, “I’m not good enough talk” and regardless of what people think, doesn’t it matter what my own heart says? The only thing that scares me, is that I’m 21 years old, shouldn’t I have this all figured out by now? But on the other hand I’m only 21 years old, and back to my previous blog, who says I have to have my life figured out now?

So here I am, reevaluating everything I’ve ever studied to possibly start new? I just with I knew how strong this part of me was. What if I make the wrong decision? What if i mess up? What if I fail. In the grand scheme of things, I have my entire life ahead of me, and if I fail I have time to pick up the pieces. I‘m just hoping that I’m strong enough to pick up those pieces. I’m just hoping I pick the right move and that I impress myself and make everyone else, proud. So, here's to jumping on the Kristen bandwagon. Let’s see what happens.

Here starts the countdown & here starts the most 100 important days of my life.

Everyone has their drug. For some people it’s literally a drug, for others its a relationship, or the aspiration for straight A’s or maybe even alcohol. Regardless, everyone has something that holds them back. For some people it’s completely recognizable, but for others its become so much apart of their lives that the thought of letting go is scarier than being addicted. I think it’s hard to figure out your ‘drug’ because sometimes that thing that holds you back feels like that only thing that’s keeping you going. And once people accept their drug, then the hard part comes. Figuring out the way to get over it.

What’s your anti-drug? While those commercials are super tacky in their over-abundant ways to promote a “drug-free America” what lies at the root of the question is true. For me, my ‘anti-drug’ is this blog. Granted my ‘drug’ isn’t an actual drug, but I think it’s worrying, and stress and the emotions of it all, and for me this blog has allowed me to vent my frustrations and let go of that. For others their anti-drug could be a roommate who cares enough to sit and listen. What is it? Have you found it? Are we even really looking?

too many thoughts - too many blogs.

Malibu went from being 85 degrees one day to the next completely rainy and cold. I’m literally sitting at the table watching the rain outside my window and it is so refreshing. It’s like God’s telling us that all things can be washed clean. Just like the rain pours down on the city and cleans the streets, so can we. We can chose daily to wash our lives free of all the mess and drama of our lives, or we can live in the muck and clutter that so often engulfs us. I think a lot of times, it’s easier to just wade through the mud because it’s easier than figuring a way to clean it up. But it’s up to us. Are we going to chose to renew ourselves or continue to struggle through, because at the end of the day, all it is is mud.

You know those days when you just have empty thoughts? You’re driving and nothings really running through your mind. You’re not making a mental checklist, you’re not consulting your planner, and its almost as if your mind took a day off and you’re at complete peace? That’s where I’m at today. Complete peace, a place where nothing can stir me.

I’m finally accepting that in 101 days I’m going to be walking across a stage, accepting a piece of paper that will define by last four years. I’m accepting the fact that Malibu isn’t going to be my home much longer and that, at this point in time, I don’t know where that place will be. I’m accepting that the relationships I’ve built over the past four years are going to change soon, but they will not be lost. I’ve accepted the fact that I cannot know what the future holds nor can I fully understand what my future will be, but I also understand that I’ve been given a choice.

I can either leap into my unknown future with reckless abandon and be excited for what the world is holding for me or I can live my life, never really experiencing it for fear of change. I’ve accepted that life’s going to come whether I want it to or not and I’ve chosen to open my eyes and jump, with reckless abandon, into the world. I’m at peace, and I’m jumping in.

“Why are we inspired by another person’s courage? Maybe because it gives us the sweet and genuine surprise of discovering some trace, at least, of the same courage in ourselves."

-Laurence Shames

“My fellow citizens, our nation is posed for greatness. We must do what we know is right and do it with all our might. Let history say of us, “There were golden years- when the American Revolution was reborn, when freedom gained new life, when America reached for her best."

President Ronald Reagan

Inaguaral Address, January 21, 1985

Everyone, throughout their life gets to watch American go through things that will go down in history as one of the most influential/ challenging/ scary ect moments in history. And, I have grown up in such an amazing time, historically. I watched as America and the world joined together after 9/11 and picked each other back up. I watched as strangers helped strangers when the levees broke in Katrina. Now, I have watched as Barack Obama took his oath into the Presidency. Regardless of my political preference, it’s hard not to be moved by the ceremony. It’s a ‘hinge point in history,’ and I’m grateful to be here to experience it.

“Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.”

-President Barack Obama.