The first day.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Have the BEST first day of school, I wish I could be there.
Take advantage of it. It goes by wayyy to fast.
Take your deep breath.

Walk this way.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

This is the best halftime show ever. When Britney and Justin were in love. When 'NSYNC was still together. When Nelly wasn't a has-been. When everything is music land was great.

14-7: My secret garden.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Last night I had the best time with Whit & Afton. It was what I've needed, a change from the ordinary 'let's go out in old town' night. It was a girls night out with beer, sunflower seeds and cute boys. About half way in, Afton said, "I'm really glad I'm still here." And those simple words kind of changed the whole night. I always talk about missing Malibu and everything that Malibu represents but I'm starting to come into my own here. I'm finding new things, new hobbies, new experiences that keep pulling me closer to everything Arizona. And, I'm really glad I'm here. Here's to more baseball, basketball and football games. Here's to new experiences with my best friends. Here's to different restaurants, and different bars. Here's to everything new that Arizona has to offer and that I have to discover. The grass isn't always greener, sometimes you just have to find the secret garden on your own side of the fence.

Mr. and Mrs. John Hester.

"I don't think it could have gone any better," Hester said. "To have a start like this, it's something I could only have wished for, and it came true. I don't know what I'm going to do to follow this up."

so proud of my boyfriend :)

Happy Birthday to Michael, Happy Birthday to you.

Happy Birthday Michael. RIP MJ.

How could this be you're not here with me.
You never said goodbye someone tell me why
did you have to go and leave my world so cold

That you are not alone For I am here with you
Though you're far away I am here to stay

finding the balance.

Recently I've started doing hot yoga. Yes, hot yoga - yoga in a room that is between 95 and 100 degrees at all times. It's hard and it's challenging, but at the end of the 75 minutes, my mind is clear and it seems like everything was forgotten in that time. It's designed for self-acceptance and self-awareness and it focuses on the importance of breath, plus it's a freaking hard workout. It's amazing how it makes everything better even if just for an hour and a half. It talks a lot about the balance in your life. In yoga, it's the balance between the breath and your body. But for me, it's the balance between heart and head.
I've said that before and I'll say it again, I struggle with the balance between the two, but I think I'm figuring it out. I'm think I'm starting to realize that while that balance may be necessary in certain aspects of my life, it's not always necessary when it comes to love. Because sometimes it's the messy chaos of it all that makes it interesting. So, while I'll continue to find the balance in my yoga life, I'm starting to realize that the offset is kind of refreshing in regards to my pseudo-love life.

I'm jealous.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I'm sitting here watching Zoey 101 and the only reason I am, is because it's filmed at Pepperdine and by watching it, I feel like I'm a little closer to home. Today is the beginning of New Student Orientation at Pepperdine. Last year I was a NSO counselor, cheerfully greeting 800 anxious, new freshman as they were about to start their adventure at Pepperdine. I meet all kinds; nervous, excited, arrogant, amazing, beautiful, all of them with big hearts ready to start their college career. And today, it all starts again, except I don't get to see it. I don't get to experience it.

Everyone's starting school. Yesterday I met Whitney and Afton down at ASU to grab coffee and I was so jealous. The rush of the first day back. You can smell the excitement, the new books, the curiosity of a new boy in class, new friends, new clothes, a fresh start. To me the first day back is this new opportunity to start new, regardless of the fact that it might be your senior year. It's a chance to clear the slate and begin again. It's a deep breath, its one big step towards something great and I'm jealous. I'm jealous of everyone starting back up. I'm jealous of the new, fun things they're going to experience this year. I would do pretty much anything to be a senior at Pepperdine again. Maybe this is me, living in the past, not accepting the future, refusing to move on... blah blah blah, but I do. I miss it, I'm living in my past. I'm wishing I was back in Malibu, Villa Malibu 223 to be exact, about to start my adventure. And maybe that's the challenge of this whole growing up thing. It's finding my new deep breath, my new big step. It really is all about living in my present and my future - It's about growing up. I guess the thing I'm struggling with the most is that I miss my Pepperdine friends. I miss my amazing roommates, Kate&Kate, all my beautiful sorority sisters. I miss running into people at Starbucks & Ralph's. I miss the people I got to see every day in the Com building. I miss my professors. I miss the routine of it all. I miss the daily grind. I just miss Malibu, and guess it comes down to the fact that I'm jealous that other people are there experiencing it all and I can't seem to admit that its all over.

Carly and I used to watch X Factor try-outs on Youtube for hours, lame, I know, but I love them. I watched a couple today and this one was amazing. Enjoy (click here) - I get by with a little help from my friends.

Connection with action.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Our life is composed greatly from dreams, from the unconscious,
and they must be brought into connection with action.
They must be woven together.

-Anais Nin

father-daughter day.

I love days with my dad. I love days that I can just hang out with him and do fun stuff. Between him working during the day, then me going out (or to bed, thanks henry) I don't get to spend hours upon hours with him like I do my mom. But, today we woke up early and went to church together. One of the better sermons I've heard in a while and it was really cool to share that with him. After that we hiked Squaw Peak, took a picture at the top and just enjoyed the beauty of the city. From there we ventured to the Borders on Cactus and Tatum to pick up a book, only to be stared at by all the clean, non-smelling people and then headed home. Then my dad made me an amazing bowl of his famous oatmeal as we sat around the kitchen table and enjoyed the time together. I think my dad is one of the most brilliant men on this planet, and it's really awesome to get to bask in that for a whole day - even if it is just a couple hours. Today, I was reminded again how blessed I am to have such an awesome dad. It's easy to go with the daily flow and not remember to thank your dad. He's the dad, he's always gonna be there, but it's days like these that bring it all back and make you realize how freaking cool dads are. So, thanks for a good day dad :) love you.

At the top of Squaw Peak.

While I was away.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

So funny. Thanks Molly :)

Entirely for Matt.

This is because Matt hates both of these things, the Jonas Brothers & "I gotta feeling." But I happen to LOVE both of these things. Enjoy :)

a rush a heat & energy.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

I close my eyes, inhale, and feel a rush of heat and energy that takes my breath away. It is the feeling of wanting something so much that it borders on an actual need, and the power and urgency of this need overwhelms me."
-Emily Giffen, Love the One You're With


Friday, August 14, 2009

Sometimes in life,
You run across a love unknown,
Without a reason, it feels like you, belong.
Hold on Dear Life,
Don’t go off running from what’s new,
I became somebody, through loving you.

As the sun shined, down on me,
I know with you in love is where I wanna be,
Oooh sometimes, I go on through life,
thinking that love is something that’s not meant for me,

always remember the duck tour.

Regardless of what happened the past couple weeks, you taught me that it’s out there. You showed me what I really want in my life and you showed me it’s possible. You showed me that there aren't limited options, and that I never have to settle. You did that. Thank you.
I’ll miss you.

It's hard to believe it's all over. Six weeks, up and gone in the blink of an eye. Who would have thought when I posted this blog, that just six weeks later I'd be writing through the tears. Tonight we had the conventional goodbye dinner. We gathered in the same board room that we started in on July 5th. We ate an amazing catered dinner. We sat around and watched as a sideshow with standard 'goodbye' music played reflecting the past six weeks. It's crazy to think that six weeks ago we sat in this board room, uncomfortable and awkward, wondering how these 52 peers and 7 professors would ultimately coexist. And now, here we sit, laughing and crying together, knowing that we're not ever going to be together again (sounds a little familiar huh?). The professors got up and thanked us for being dedicated and awesome, all while imparting a little adult-lsat knowledge at the same time. Some got a little choked up, therefore creating waterworks for the rest of the group. There was one that really caught my attention though. Deb got up and said that she only had two words for us, "Keep moving." Keep moving towards our goals, keep moving towards our dreams. Don't get bogged down, keep moving through the questions on the LSAT, keep moving through the LSAT, law school, the BAR, because in order to achieve our goals, we have to keep moving. We can't get stop going after what we really want. It's so true. We can't let ourselves be held down, because there are going to be obstacles in all aspects of our life. Work, school, relationships, friendships, everything, but the true test of our own ability, is if we have enough, if we have what it takes to keep moving towards our goals. I'm never going to stop moving.


Thursday, August 13, 2009

"Chanel is an institution, and you have to treat an institution like a whore -and then you get something out of her."

"I'm mad for books. It is a disease I won't recover from. They are the tragedy of my life. I want to learn about everything. I want to know everything, but I'm not an intellectual, and I don't like their company. I'm the most superficial man on Earth."

"I have no problem with journalists - many are friends. Only if they are really stupid, or if they've got bad breath, or if they smell. Yesterday I had a problem. I said, 'I'm sorry, you've got to tell this woman that she needs to be taken away. Her smell is not possible.'

"They sent a private jet. I said, 'It's too small. I need a bigger plane.' It's fun, no?"

My 25 things.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A onezie.

"Life is going to push you around. It’s going to beat you up. And it’s going to scare you. But then, one day, you realize … you’re not just a survivor. You’re a warrior."
-Sophia Bush

Yes, that's a onezie.

Some kind of trouble.

"Vampires are always in some kind of trouble, I just prefer to be in it with you."

He's my favorite vamp (besides Edward of course).

I guess it's a musical day.

so good. so damn good.


I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you.
And I need you like a heart needs a beat but that's nothing new.

Number 349.

Monday, August 10, 2009

I've gotten a couple emails recently asking why I haven't been blogging lately, and not just posting random clips and pictures, but really blogging. Videos are easier than words and pictures are my visual diary. But here it is, that one big blog, that will maybe tide everyone over for a while :) or at least until I get back to Scottsdale (6 days!).

When I first started this blog I did it because I wanted to find a different way to create a senior thesis. I wanted a unique and personal way to really express myself without the usual 40 page paper. I wanted my professors to see a different side to "The Kristen" everyone thinks they see at school. I wanted to present myself in a much more raw medium that ultimately challenged myself and in turn, inspired those around me. My first blog was exactly 370 days and 348 blogs ago. It's crazy to believe that something I initially started as a project for school has turned into this. My first post was obviously written in the most cynical of moods and its apparent in the apathetic way in which its written. (sneak peak - click here). It's called dazed&confused and I think that's how it started. I was dazed and completely confused as to how my senior year was going to go, and starting right from the get-go, my blog was the most honest thing I've ever written. I wanted to write this to inspire myself and others. Like I said in my valedictorian speech, I want to inspire people. If one, single person walks away from my blog and takes the littlest line or quote to heart then I feel like I've accomplished what I've set out to do. I want to be honest, I want to inspire, I want to encourage. I want to show people that it's okay to hurt and to cry. It's okay to let people know you're hurting, that's how we get through it all. I wanted to be honest. Now, here I sit, 348 blogs later, hopefully still accomplishing that goal and honestly still dazed and confused.

This year, to date, as been one of the most emotionally, physically and mentally draining years of my life. I've said it many times before, but as amazing as senior year is, it's hard, it's challenging, it's fun & it's confusing. I grew up, I feel down, I picked myself back up and here I am, standing, one year later, with only a couple scratches to show for it. Lauren 'tweeted' this a couple days ago and being the blogger I am, I wrote it down in my moleskin for future access. "The more I know, the less I understand. All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again." And, after my final year in college, 6 weeks at LSAT boot-camp, this is where I'm left. But it's exciting, isn't it? There's so much more. It's exciting to know that this isn't it all. There is so much more we're left to do. There's so much more to prove.

"So what would you think of me now, so lucky, so strong, so proud? I never said thank you for that, now I'll never have a chance. May angels lead you in. Hear you me my friends."

Recently, I've been struggling with the fact that things are outside of my control. I've been realizing that some decisions I've made have hurt others. Decisions I've made have caused others to struggle. At some points I feel like what I'm doing right now, needs to be about me. I need to be selfish, I need to figure myself out before I can truly make someone else happy. How am I supposed to be what someone else needs if I can't even be enough for me? But at the same time, does that give me the right to hurt others around me? I'm making mistakes, but I refuse to second guess what I'm doing, because it's all just part of this journey.

"So just live, have wonderful times and make mistakes,
but never second guess where you've been, where you are,
and most of all where you're going."
-Sex and the City.

This experience in Boston has been one for the memory books. It's taught me that I'm adaptable. I can do it. I'm capable. Lets hope the next 6 weeks go as smoothly as these last 6 have. I'll miss this place. Another beautiful city I can add to my lists of 'homes,' and just like the others, this one will stay in my memories & my heart forever.

It's you.

This is my favorite scene is all of One Tree Hill history.

"When all my dreams come true the one I want next to me. It's you."

I wish I could say this.

Go confidently.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
-Henry Thoreau

Someone like me.

I stole this from Matt's blog because regardless of how many times I hear this song I hear something different. I hear a new line, that, the last time I heard it didn't mean as much as it does now. Chills are inevitable. Every one who sings this song sings with passion that is unexplainable. The words of this song all mean something different to everyone and I think that's why it's caught on so intensely. I really hope it's gonna make you notice.

Gives me chills.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I watched Almost Famous last night for a couple reasons. One, it reminds me of Kate & Whitney. Two, it's one of those feel good movies, because even though you know the ending because you've seen it so many times, it still allows you to instill a little bit of hope. Three, Kate Hudson is my hero. Four, it has great music. The clip above is one of my favorites because when Russell touches Penny's hand and then her face, it gives me chills, and I love when she pretends to cry. The clip below for many reasons. One, the girl talking to William is really Anna Paquin and since I'm a True Blood addict, this is just fantastic. Two, the song playing is also from Girl Next Door, which is my favorite movie. So, not only does this movie remind me of home, but it includes a little bit of everything that I love.

"They don't even know what it is to be a fan. Y'know?
To truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts."


Through the dark sky.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A very good friend of mine just put this photo up in her facebook album. She's basically my mentor and regardless of things that happen in the course of our friendship, she's one of the strongest backbones I have. She has given me a thousand pieces of advice over the past four years and I think this one is just another one of her golden nuggets of wisdom.
It's really easy to get bogged down in the everyday, in the minute, scary details, that at times seem to control our every thought. But then, in the midst of the rain, the sun peeks out through the dark grey clouds. Or you get to skype with two of your best friends and they tell you that they're proud. Or you go up 5 points on your LSAT. Sometimes it's not easy. A lot of times it's not easy, but there's no reason to be a debbie-downer. Being pessimistic isn't going to get you anywhere. I know this quote has been around for ages, but today when my roommate said it, it meant something different, something other than it has the past times I've heard it. "Insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (Thanks Einstein)." It means something completely different to everyone, but when Lacy said it today it kind of took me off guard and shook me a little bit. It's like she spoke those words directly to my heart and my thoughts and made me really evaluate things. And, at the end of the day, being optimistic about all those things may just be my sun through the dark sky.

Don't you dare.

Don’t you dare tell me nothing matters. Everything matters. Every fucking drop of rain, every ray of sunlight, every wisp of cloud matters and they matter because I can see them and if I can see them then they can see me and I know that there’s an entire world that cares out there, hiding behind a world that doesn’t, afraid to show who it really is and with or without you, I will drag that world out of the dirt and the blood and the muck until we live in it. Until we all live in it.

Why do you put me on a pedestal?

Sunday, August 2, 2009

There's only two weeks left. Two weeks of one of the most challenging and rewarding summers of my life. Friday night I went out with my roommates and spent the entire night with Lacy questioning the unexplainable 'north-east.' Granted our opinions are a little skewed being from South Carolina and the southwest, but this place is crazy. First the weather...I've never experienced anything like it before. One minute it's hot as hell and the next minutes it's a torrential downpour with freezing winds and humidity on top of it all. After 6 weeks of this, I've realized 100% that the west coast is the best coast. Regardless of the weather, where are all the nice people? Lacy and I are both uber-bubbly outgoing girls and this town doesn't find that type of behavior acceptable. Everyone here walks around in a mean-bubble with no notice of anyone else. It's weird. I really love the city, it's gorgeous and fun and fast paced and that type of energy isn't found in anywhere else but a big city, but I think I've decided that law school for me is best suited on the west. So, don't mind my venting and aggression because I do have love for Boston, but please take me back to the best coast.

Whoever said you can only learn in a classroom was so wrong. I've learned more about myself and life and all things I'm capable of in the past 3 months than I ever have. I learned that I am strong enough, I am smart enough, I am good enough. I've realized that I've changed a lot from who I used to be. From the start of it all until now, I'm different. Not different in a 'I changed my core beliefs' different, but I've grown up. And sometimes it means being a little bit selfish, and doing what's best for me. I love this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyways."

I know everyone thinks Hannah Montana is SO lame, I get it, but I love this song. You have to ignore the pictures that go as this song, but its the only one i could find on youtube that wasn't embedded.

Maybe who I was before - Maybe I don't even know her anymore.
Maybe who I am today ain't so far from yesterday. Can I find a way to be every part of me?

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