Pregnancy: My Thoughts on Weight Gain

May 7, 2020

I look huge
Omg I am so big
I am way bigger than last time
"So and so" is farther along than me and skinner
My boobs are huge
This fit last week
I look like I'm ready to burst

These are all things I've said to myself or Adam just in the last week.

I beat myself up over something so natural yet at times, feels so foreign. Pregnancy weight is something not many woman want to talk about out loud, but it's a conversation we have with ourselves every day, every time we look in the mirror, or every time we look down.

Let's talk weight gain.

It affects us all differently. I'm currently walking through pregnancy with a bunch of friends around me (like 9!!) and we are ALL handling weight different! We are all processing the change in our bellies, the change in our boobs, hips, and every where else different. And the beauty in that? We are all celebrating our bodies in the best way we know how for our own bodies.

Even as I celebrate my pregnant body, it's hard not to feel the weight of my ever changing bodies.

The other night I found myself changing in my closet for fear that Adam would see me full pregnant. If he knew I did this, he would reassure me, and tell me how beautiful I am. And even with him saying those sweet things, which God bless the man, he does every day, I still hear my self-conscious voice in my head. I still see my wider hips, huge boobs, stretching sides. I still feel like a stranger in my own body.

It's this incredibly interesting balance between my understanding that I'm gaining weight for the benefit of our sweet baby, while learning to love my body as it grows (and grows, and grows).

Total transparency here, most of the time I am comfortable gaining pregnancy weight. It's something I started mentally preparing myself for when we were trying for Quinn, and trust me, even with trying to prepare, I wasn't fully prepared. But, I knew the weight would come and I knew my healthy gain correlated in part to a healthy weight for my baby. That being said, it's not easy when you start the comparison game, or when something doesn't fit, or when you're standing buck naked in front of the mirror, unrecognizable.

A lot of times when I find myself going down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts, I can instantly correlate those feelings to the amount of time I've been on the 'gram, scrolling. Mindlessly scrolling through bloggers I don't even know who have teeny baby bumps and are still wearing their pre-pregnancy jeans.

What I'm learning about myself in this time, is I'm not always as self-confident as I hoped I was. What I'm trying to teach myself is that those feelings will come and those feelings will go, just like the weight of this pregnancy.
My goal is a healthy baby. My goal is to be healthy myself. At the end of the day, if I am confident that I am doing just that, the weight feels a lot less heavy.
I'm literally sitting here, feeling this sweet baby kick as I type and it's in moments like this, the weight doesn't seem so extreme.

If I can do anything, I hope to encourage you. We all feel or have felt this way throughout our pregnancy. This is a huge change for all of us and it's okay to figure out your feelings about it on a daily basis. We're growing a baby for 10 months, and sometimes it takes 10 months to fully come to term with the changes our body goes through.

So today, instead of those negative thoughts about my body. I'm striving for these.

I am glowing 
I am creating another human
I am protecting my baby
I am beautiful
I am strong
I am magic
I am pregnant

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I love hearing from all of you and greatly appreciate all your feedback and comments! xx Kristen