time to shine.

today i took a big step - i showed my mom and my best friend my blog. high five for me. i know i know, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but to have some of the most important people in my life read my inner thoughts, kinda scares the hell out of me. but whatever, they love me regardless right?

so today i took this survey for school regarding my strengths and weaknesses, and wanna know what it told me? nothing. it was basically useless, asking me redundant questions about whether or not i like group discussions or if i focus too much on the past.

however, it did allow me to think about my strengths and weaknesses and i came to a conclusion. i think my greatest strength is my ability to love. i love people, things places everything. overall, I'm pretty much a sappy girl that is enthralled by love. i appreciate its meaning relating to relationships, friends family and all that but i also understand that its necessary to everyday life. imagine a day without love, and I'm not talking about mushy text messages from your significant other, i mean real love. the kind that doesn't need reminding, but that raw everyday stuff.

anywayyys - onto my weaknesses, which i honestly think is the ability to be vulnerable. I'm not. i have this brick wall between me and anyone who really tries to get close to me. i have my mom dad brother and sister, my 3 REALLY best friends and that's about it. recently a close friend of mine has come back into my life and it excites me, but at the same time, losing her a year ago made me vulnerable. and i’ve never put up a wall to a best friend and losing her forced me too and i hated it. it made me cynical to the term “friendship” and what it means to be a friend, and i don't blame her for that, but at the same time it caused some resentment. being vulnerable scares me because i was once, and an ex-boyfriend used that against me and i got hurt because of it. i don't blame him completely for my lack of vulnerability but i do relate back to that regarding other relationships. soo because of that, and from the quiz, I'm learning to allow myself to be vulnerable - whew.

the purpose of the quiz was to figure out my psyche and so on and so forth, but i think it allowed me to look at things from a different perspective. there are so many ‘quizes’ in our lives and sometimes looking at them from the outside is the right answer.